wishes and dreams

You're getting so big

2007-05-06T13:19:00.000-07:00

My little girl...you're getting so big already!
I can't beleive all the things you've learned how to do in your short little life.
One of your favorite things to do is while you nurse...you 'pop off' every few seconds in the begining of your nursing session to look up at me and grace me with your gummy smile. You sure do have the cutest little gummy smile that I ever did see!

You've mastered the art of rolling you roll here and there and everywhere.....diaper changes are much harder these days...because you no longer just sit still and let it happen....if you're not trying your hardest to roll off of the changing pad...you're playing with your feet.....silly baby :)

You've begun eating solid foods...so far you've had rice cereal, peas, avacado, apples, and pears....you love every single food so far...but we think your favorites are apples and avacados....you love them both!

While Mommy goes to school at night you've begun crying a lot with your Daddy....it makes your Daddy sad. Maybe you could work on that this month mmmkay :) I hate to call on my break from school and hear you crying and know there is nothing I can do for you...when I'm not with you....it breaks my heart lil mama.....

We do beleive you're teething....your covered in drool...you even have a little rash on your hands and your chin from said drool....you chomp down on EVERYTHING in site...including my boob...ouch! You love to chew on cold teethers...and last night we gave you a refrigerated apple that mama took a few bites out of so you could "chew" on that...you loved it :)

I can't wait to take you swimming for the first time....I got you a couple of swimsuits for you to sport :) But I want to wait for a time when Daddy is home to do it so we can get some pictures of your very first time in the pool...I think you'll like it...since you LOVE to kick and splash in the bathtub with your mama :)

You're always such a happy baby little girl...when we go places you always flash your gummy little smile to passers by...and they all have to stop and talk to you...it's kind of annoying for mama and daddy who are trying to get errands done...but you insist on being a social butterfly...and smiling and laughing at so many things.....yesterday on our walk...Daddy was holding you...and we don't know what you were laughing at...but you just started giggling so loud...it was just the cutest thing ever young lady.

I am so in love with you my litle princess....I can't imagine my life without you in it. I am so glad you came into my life and made me your Mother. I love you always and forever Madelynn.

Love,
Your Mama

Playdate :)

2007-04-23T23:45:00.000-07:00

well....we had a park playdate today...we had so much fun....we were there for hours........

here are a couple pics :)

Some photos from today

2007-04-16T13:39:00.000-07:00

I busted out the tripod, the remote control for the camera...and a couple drapes of fabric and snapped some pix of zee girl :)

just a few photos of the girl :)

2007-04-09T23:24:00.000-07:00

A few pics of little miss Maders...at four months old :)

She's been rolling for ages...but I just got the whole 'process' on film today :)

Here she is on Easter....we don't 'celebrate' Easter...but I did take advantage of the nice day...and snapped a photo of her in the grass sitting like a big girl :)

and well...this is my favorite picture of my sweet girl...my Hubby took it at Applebees while we were waiting to be seated....I just love it......llllooovvee it I tell you!

Madelynn is 4 months old!

2007-03-30T15:56:00.000-07:00

Wow...
Madelynn is four months old now!
She had her check up yesterday...
she weighs: 12 lbs. 11 oz. 35% per the doc
her height: 24 inches 40% per the doc
Head circ: 16 inches 40% per the doc

she got 4 shots.....she cried...it was soooooo sad. I nursed her before and after...and it really seemed to help her cope. She was happy after she was done nursing...so that was nice :)

She sleeps through the night every single night...it is AWESOME...and she's been doing this for about two months now...it is great!

She can sit for a short amount of time on her own...the longest has been for two minutes unassisted....but then she gets tired :)

We're holding off on solids still, she's not ready yet...and neither is her little tummy.

Here are some pictures...I take at least one photo a day of her....so there are two sets here....one is from her second month, and the other is from her third month...a photo a day. Enjoy.

this one is from her 3rd month....

and this one is from her 2nd month...

zee girl

2007-02-15T11:48:00.000-08:00

meow
Originally uploaded by brookepanda.

I can't beleive how big she is getting already!!!!

I'm so lucky

2007-01-30T07:11:00.000-08:00

I can't beleive I've been a mother for two whole months now!

I love my little girl....she is so perfect....I am so lucky that she chose *me* to be *her* Mommy....I'm the luckiest person alive to have such a wonderful baby girl.

I love you sweet baby Madelynn, thanks for melting my heart each time I look at you :) You're Mommys little princess and I love you with all my heart, forver and always, no matter what.

Video

2007-01-23T10:56:00.000-08:00

Here is a video of my child :)
She doesn't do much...so it's not terribly exciting :)
But just thought I'd share :)

I just couldn't resist

2007-01-13T00:15:00.000-08:00

The girl

2007-01-12T23:02:00.000-08:00

Well Madelynn had a doctor appointment today...she's exactly 9 pounds now! She's six weeks old now...she rolls from her back to her belly...and has just started to laugh :) I LOVE to hear her laugh! She is still nursing well and that is super great!
My sweet girl loves to have her 'play time' each day...we have fun with different things to do with her like tummy time...and exploring teething chew toys....I put a teether on her gums and she 'bites' down on it and feels all the different textures the toy has...she likes it...she loves her ocean wonders kick and crawl ditty...and especialllllly loves her swing....she loves the mobile above the swing that has dancing birdies :)

We had an earthquake here in the middle of last night and it FREAKED me out...I've lived in California all my life and I'm used to the quakes...but this was the first one I've experienced being a Mother and my first thoughts were of my sweet girl...then my mind got to wandering and thinking of natural disasters and what we could do....ugh....it was late....(three thirty in the morning)

I had my six week check up today with my doc...all is well in that 'area' and I've healed up "nicely" from my tear...and all looks well....so that's good news.

Hubby got snipped on Monday....he's doing better now and all that jazz :)

Here are some pics of the girl from tonight....she has a barrette in her hair :)

Extreme close up!

2007-01-08T17:57:00.000-08:00

Extreme close up!
Originally uploaded by brookepanda.

I took this shot to send to my Mom to show her Madelynn with her pretty little hair bow.....I think it's a pretty good picture considering it was taken on a cell phone!

So I just thought I'd share.

Another cell phone shot

2007-01-08T17:54:00.000-08:00

cell phone shot
Originally uploaded by brookepanda.

I finalllllllllllllly got my hair done again....I dind't get it done while I was pregnant because of the rancid smell of the hair dye....

I took this picture with my cell phone in the car as you can see.....my Husband says I look like a boy in the picture!

Silly Husband.

Success!!!

2007-01-05T23:21:00.000-08:00

I've been struggling trying to get Madelynn to latch on to my breast for some time now...and I was just getting so bummed that she seemed to have nothing to do with breastfeeding...it made me a bit sad to be honest....

I was feeling tied down by the constant pumping...because it seemed I had to plan my activities around when the next time I needed to pump was...and if I was going to be gone long it required me lugging around the big ol bag it comes in...(I use a Medela pump in style) and it's just not neat! I just wish she would nurse off of me so I wouldn't have to worry about pumping when I go out in public...

My sister reminded me that my StepMom was having trouble nursing our little brother when he was a baby and had a guard of sorts on her breast while feeding him because she had inverted nipples....it helped him and he nursed until he weaned himself at 10 months...

So I went to Medelas website and found it! I was so excited....and the best part is that the ditty is sold at Target of all places so I ran out and picked it up...along with the next size up in diapers :( (she's growing so fast) and tried it out the second I got home...I had read the 'tricks' on the medela website for first time feedings with it when using it for a 'latching problem' it was to fill up the tip with breast milk and put the baby to the breast after attaching the shield to my nipple....and viola...it worked! She nursed off both sides like a champ for the first time in quite some time! I loved it....She's since done two more feedings at the breast with the shield and it's going great!

I tried to see if she'd go straight to the nipple, but she still just roots all around as though it's not right in front of her face/in her mouth! The website said it will take some babies just a few feedings to get the clue that there is milk coming out the breast...and others a couple weeks of use...I'm just happy it's working :)

This is the ditty I'm speaking of...this one is called the 'contact nipple shield' by medela

And then for chuckles here's a picture I took of the two of us two days ago...It's a self portrait ditty of sorts :)

The first month

2007-01-02T21:04:00.000-08:00

Well I've been a mommy now for a month...

I really am so happy to say that!

I enjoy every moment with my sweet little princess...she's a joy.

She's become so much more alert...and is smiling a ton!

This morning she was squacking in her crib and when I went to see what her deal was...she was pissy because she had rolled onto her belly and couldn't get back over!

She eats 3 ounces at each feeding of boobie juice (I pump because the broad won't latch...but this way hubby can help out too) she eats that every three hours...

She is a wonderful sleeper...she wakes up around 2 am for a feeding and then again at 5 or so she eats...burps...get's changed then goes right back to sleep...and if by chance she hasn't gone back to sleep she is content to be put in her crib awake and lull herself with her ocean wonders aquarium :)

She makes the funniest noises, she coos and has started to reach for toys when put next to them :)

She is a sweet sweet girl...I love being her Mommy!
I'm so lucky to have a wonderful sweet...perfect daughter!

In case you're wondering I've not changed my mind about having more babies...I'm still sure she is the one for us....we couldn't ask for a more perfect child...and on that note my Husband is 'getting fixed' next Monday. We both agree with this decision...and agree our sweet princess completes our family.

Here are a couple pics of my sweet pea...

This is what she spent her Christmas day doing....

here she is playing with her toys :)

Her first 'big girl outfit' Baby gap jeans and osh kosh shirt :)

And this is her favorite toy that she got for Christmas...she loves it!

Little homegirl is getting chubby

2006-12-20T12:52:00.000-08:00

Here is a pic I just took on my cell phone of little homegirl...she's getting big chubby cheekers...

My baby girl is two weeks old today

2006-12-14T12:11:00.000-08:00

I can't beleive how fast time is going now that I'm no longer pregnant!
It's like when I was pregnant the days dragged on for what seemed like forever....and now that Madelynn is here each day just zooms on by!

She had her 2 week check up yesterday...she is up to 6 pounds even now...and is 19 inches long...she's wearing newborn size diapers now instead of preemie...but still doesn't fit any of her newborn clothing...so she's still in her preemie clothes...for now.

She's getting a bald spot on the back of her head from sleeping on her back...I love brushing her hair! I can't wait until she's old enough for me to french braid her hair...I love braiding :) Though I'll wait for that because I want her to stay a sweet baby girl for as long as she can :)

Here is a picture I took of her this morning while I was changing her from her jammies into her outfit for the day :)

Our new life

2006-12-10T07:50:00.000-08:00

Wow....life since we've brought our baby home is so different! I am so in love with this little girl...I can't even begin to explain it!

Madelynn is a good baby...she is an excellent sleeper and an excellent eater :)
She nurses and I also pump boobie juice and put it in a bottle so Dad can help with the feedings to :) It's nice this way because I don't feel trapped....I can have him feed her...and know she's still getting breast milk :)

She is so small that we had to go out and get her some clothes that actually fit her....all the things we had were just WAY TOO BIG! We had a couple preemie outfits but only like 4...so my sister and my husband went and got about 5 more little outfits so she'd have some clothes that fit her....she's just now starting to not swim in even her preemie clothes...and she's still in her preemie diapers....she's a dink.

She had a home nurse visit when she was 3 days old and she had gotten down to 5 lbs. 1 oz. from her birth weight of 5lbs. 9 oz. and then she had her one week check up and she was back up to 5 lbs. 3 oz. she had a touch of jaundice and had to get blood taken to check her levels...THAT was hard as heck to hold her poor little arm down for :( But she's a trooper and only wimpered for a brief moment...her levels turned out to be going down from her last check so she was getting better on her own...and it appears to be almost all the way gone now. So that's good news :)

Madelynn loves her ocean wonders aquarium in her crib....if she's upset and we put her in there and turn it on she just stares at it and becomes content....she hardly ever cries....she gets fidgity every now and again...but if we tend to her she has no need to cry :) She's eating about 2.5 ounces at each feeding (from what I pump I can see how much she eats so that's kind of cool)

She's under the 5th percentile for her weight/head circumfrence and between 25 and 50% for her height...so she is long and skinny :)

Her umbilical cord stump fell off yesterday...so we gave her, her first bath she did great...she just looked all around...and then smelled so fresh and clean :) And as I was carrying her up to her bedroom to dress her she peed all over me! Silly baby girl! She pooped so many times yesterday that we had to give her another bath before bed because she sort of smelled like poo...and that's not neat! We slathered some aquafour lotion on her since her skin is scaly right now since it's peeling....

She's in her crib right now with her aquarium on...she's 'talking' to it....

We took her to see Santa yesterday...and also to get her newborn photos done....everyone kept stopping us and asking questions about her...probably because she's so teency :)

We also took her to meet her Grandma and Uncle (Hubbys Mom and Brother) for the first time on Friday....they loved her...and she was so good on the long drive...I sat in the back seat with her just in case...but she was so good...she slept...and then when she woke up she just looked all around....then yesterday my Mom came over to see her again...she is so funny...she is litterally obsessed with my baby girl...she calls every five seconds to tell me she's having "Madelynn withdrawls" and ask how she's doing :) It's cute...everyone in the family is so excited to have her in the family and it's really nice :)

I can't imagine life with out my sweet baby girl...it's like she's been here always...like she was always meant to be in my life...but was just waiting for the right time! I love her so much...and I'm so glad I am her Mommy :)

Here are her pictures from yesterday...(They are just scans of the pictures)

My precious gift

2006-12-05T12:47:00.000-08:00

Madelynns birth story

2006-12-03T10:08:00.000-08:00

I was at a normal OB appt with a b/p of 170/117 and my doc said....you're going to the hospital to be induced now...goodbye! hahahaa.....so I was checked at the doc and was 1cm 70% effaced....and was told I'd have to have a 2 part induction since my cervix was not 'ripe' yet....so they put in a cervadil...to soften my cervix....and i laid still for 4 hours and let it do it's thang....it had to stay in for a total of 12 hours...and after i was done with that i was still ONLY 1cm but was now fully effaced....i was annoyed i hadn't dilated anymore...but was told we'd do the 'next step' the following morning at 5 am with pitocin...and was given a sleeping aid to catch some zzzz's since I'd have a "rough day ahead" well.....I woke up to some major contractions at 4 am....and had gone into labor on my own with out the pitocin! I was checked at 5 and was 3cm dilated...I called hubby (I had sent him home to sleep since I wasn't even getting the pitocin until the next day anyway I figured that would be fine!) I told him I was in PAIN and NEEDED him to come back to the hospital....he said something I'm not sure what but I was having another contraction so I just hung up the phone!

I requested an epidural at this time and waited for the wonder tonic to arrive....it took a bit to see that wonderful man....but when he got there he asked if I'd had my blood work done yet....WHAT....no.....I hadn't had blood work done for a couple days and was told since I was pre-eclamptic I'd have to have blood work done before I could get the epi....so they called the lab and they took my blood after about a 15 minute wait for him to take it...then about 10 minutes for the results to come back...which they did...and it was fine to get the epi.....so I sat on the side of the bed.....hubby was on his way to my side of the bed to have me hang on him to get the epi....when I was about to get it....I suddenly HAD TO PUSH....I couldn't sit still....I just needed to push
So the doc had me lay down to see where I was..if in fact I needed to push or not.....
She checked me...I was 9.5 cm dilated and she said I could push with the next contraction...and the bad news was that I could not get my beloved wonder tonic!

It was at this point I freaked out! I was so scared...I screamed at the top of my lungs in pain....agony....fear...and all that....I remember saying in a moment of pain that "I can't beleive I have to do this with out an epidural" and I tried to cry but no tears would come...and I just needed to push and so I pushed...screamed....pushed....screamed....screamed....pushed....for a while.....it was about 20 minutes or so of pushing....because I was having trouble keeping my push...simply because I was just so scared....I would push for a split second then scream in pain....not holding the push....I could not beleive the pain her head was causing in my body....I felt like I was going to take a huge dump...and said "Holy crap I have to take a crap" and the doctor said "no Brooke that's your baby, you're having a baby" "PUSH" so I pushed.....and her entire body shot out in the two good pushes I actually managed to hold with out wasting my contraction with a scream of pain!
As she slid out my bag of water broke and out her body came she just slid out she was slimy from the water bag....but pretty clean for just being born :)
They put her on my chest and I looked at her and cried....the first thing I remember saying was "she's so small....why is she so small?"
They told me she was fine....
she didn't cry....so they took her to the table to 'rouse' her....she still didn't cry but was alert and looking all around...she came out with her eyes open and just looked around at her blurry new world....
She never did cry that first day...she was so peacful...and calm....she nursed like a champ from the get go....and still is.
She was 5 pounds 9 ounces 18 inches long and has newborn grey eyes...and brown hair with little curls :)
she's a good little lady....she's about to wake up now though so I'm going to go now.....

She's here!

2006-12-02T20:38:00.000-08:00

Here is my sweet baby Madelynn Louise...
born November 30th at 7:29am 5 pounds 9 ounces 18 inches long with a natural labor...and vaginal birth!
Can you beleive that....I did it ala natural!!!!
It HURT!!!! But she's here....she's my sweet baby girl...

I'll update with a birth story at a later time...but here is a picture of my sweet baby girl.

Belly pics take 2!

2006-11-22T11:11:00.000-08:00

Here are my 36 week belly shots taken yesterday just before heading out the door to the docs...

and to compare :)

There was a +3 in my urine test yesterday at the docs...so I'm doing another 24 hour urine catch...

I gained 3 pounds since the last visit...as opposed to the 6 I had lost at the visit before this....it's mostly swelling though (water)

I got more blood work done...they said it was acceptable...

Got my usual ultrasound as well...she wasn't really doing anything at the time...she was sleeping I think....but everything in there looks good...

My blood pressures were 150/101....wait 15 minutes next pressure was 135/100...wait 15 minutes next pressure was 135/95....

Doctor says if there is still a high amount of protein in my urine with this latest 24 hour catch she wants to induce me today because of it...if the levels turn out to be under 300 then she said we will schedule my induction at my next visit with her which is on Wednesday the 29th in the meantime I have several more appts. for what they call the biophysical NST's which is what I've been going to three times a week so far....

We shall see...

Now if only I could stop throwing up...I'm trying to drink/eat for this urine catch thing....to actually make some pee....but of course....since I'm me....I just keep throwing it all up.....

Belly pic

2006-11-18T17:07:00.000-08:00

Even though the pic is now old....here is my belly at 34 weeks....I'm almost 36 weeks now...but I never got around to posting this.....

I was making the stupidist face on the planet so I had to fix it with a better face! hahahahaha

Another day down

2006-11-15T10:52:00.000-08:00

I had an OB visit yesterday and she sent me off to the hospital to get an NST after I was done there....my pressure was 'alright' at the appt. and my swelling is doing good...I have lost another 6 pounds since last week from the barfing....I really thought at this stage of the game the loss of weight would slow down...since the baby is gaining weight at a rapid weight in late pregnancy....the doctor wasn't too pleased with the large amount of loss I had this week....and has advised that I take a higher dose of zofran and has given me protonix to keep my acid levels down as well....so we'll see.....

After the OB appt. I went over to the hospital (it's across the street from the OB's office) But I drove....because dammit I'm supposed to be on bedrest! hahhaha....

Anyway....I did the NST....it was good....but I was contracting a lot....nothing new there...I've been contracting a lot for a long ass time now and it's not doing anything...so that's that....but I did have to stay there and wait for 3 flipping hours because my blood pressure was too high for them to feel comfortable sending me home....so I turned on the TV and watched the history channel and got on my left side...and waited for some good blood pressure readings........tooooook forever...but in the meantime I was given another ultrasound...little homegirl had "good respitory effort" and I could see her chest going in and out as she 'practiced breathing' that was cool.....shortly after she was done practicing her breathing...she got hiccups....hee hee....the tech was looking at the placenta and I said....I think she has the hiccups now....so she panned back over to her chest/belly area...and sure enough....she was bouncing with each hiccup....it was cool to see! The placenta looks 'good and healthy still' that's always a good thing! And, baby is said to weigh around 5 pounds....but she said that's 'give or take 12 ounces' so we'll see...I go back on Friday for another NST and another ultrasound....it's exciting to see her so much...even if it is in black and white! Anyway....after 3 hours I did finally manage to bust out three 'good' blood pressures....by 'good' I mean....not 'normal' but good for this stage of the game....not high enough to provoke an induction...and low enough that being on my side is still helping....I beleive the lowest reading was 132/92 which is much better than what I've been getting....so yeah....I'm home...on my side.....I was timing my contractions last night...they were a steady 8 minutes apart....for about 4 hours....and then I fell asleep! Obviously those were nothing...if I fell asleep....though they did hurt worse than any other contractions I've had so far.....and they were shooting down my legs....that's never happened before either....they hurt! But they are random and sporatic again today just like normal so I'm not worried...I'm just trying to bake this little lady until at least 36 weeks! That's just a few more days really....then I won't be so scared if I did have to get induced...or go into labor naturally....I'd LOVE to get to 37 weeks.....we'll see if that can happen! If I make it to 37 weeks she might be born on hubbys birthday :) He thinks that would be neat :)

November 14th 2005

2006-11-14T18:34:00.000-08:00

It was November 14th one year ago....that I had the worst day of my life.

It was this day one year ago that we lost our first pregnancy...

On that day one year ago....I felt so alone...so empty...so betrayed by my body...and it was hard to believe at the time that I could ever heal from something so devistating.

I remember the bleeding that accompanied the miscarriage....it was a constant reminder of how my body failed me....I hated the bleeding....but the part that hurt the worst (not physically) was when I actually 'passed' the pregnancy....I was in the bathtub...I remember....my husband was in the bathroom...we had just gotten back from an ultrasound that showed we would be miscarrying anytime...as the baby had no heartbeat...I remember looking down in the tub...and seeing 'it'....I saw but couldn't bring myself to look....I screamed at my husband IS THAT WHAT I THINK IT IS?!?!?!?!?!

We both knew what the mass was.....he kindly scooped it up.....and didn't make me look at it.....he wrapped it up in some tissues I remember that.....and 'pieces' kept coming out for about a half an hour....until it was just blood.....I bleed for a couple weeks....I remember crying so hard....I thought I would pass out....I couldn't beleive how horribly mad I was at my body. I was in such agony over the loss....

We wanted that baby....I remember feeling like such an idiot for telling our family we were pregnant....I later came to realize it was actually a good thing...because all the family I had told were the same ones who were right there for me when I needed them.

Today one year later....I'm happy to be expecting a little baby any day now...and time has healed the bitter feeling I had towards my body.

still here

2006-11-14T07:45:00.000-08:00

Apperently my lack of posts for a couple days has people worried :)

I'm still here....still pregnant...and still very much on bedrest....

Our latest NST was passed with flying colors....my pressures remain down...and my protein was at a reasonable +1 at the visit....so I was cleared to continue to bake my baby :)

I'm off to an OB visit shortly so I must get ready....

Just wanted to let ya'll know I'm still here...still baking...and still being a good little bedresting girl....trying to keep this little bun in her oven as long as possible!

I'm excited I'm 35 weeks today! Yay! Everyday that passes is better than if she was born 'yesterday'!

Ok I must go get ready for my appt....I'm sure the doctor would appreciate it if I showered! hahahhaa

Once again....

2006-11-10T15:46:00.000-08:00

Well I'm home once again....I only managed to stay out of the hospital for one day!

However...I'm once again stable....and still baking this baby :)

I have to go back every couple days to be checked/monitored....but for now I'm doing good....and that is a releif.

I feel very safe with the doctors care...and she is monitoring me and the baby very closely....I feel very safe...and that is good.

I had to go back to the hospital because the pressures were just WAY too high again...and it was consistent for the entire day I was home from the hospital...my Husband called and they wanted me back right away....as the blood pressure was 176/124 at the time.....pretty much not a good thing! The babys heart rate was also being affected...and was extremely high...once I was strapped on the monitors...the doc was very worried about the baby as her heart rate was staying over 200 and that is not a good thing....finally though with me getting the help for my pressures...her heart rate began to come back down to her normal 145-150 but it took about an hour...and I was told we had about 15 more minutes of "waiting" before they were just going to get this over with....luckily though...she decided to cooperate...and is still safe and sound in my belly :)

My pressures are still "high" but nothing on what they've been...usually around 150/95 area....which is much better than what they've been! I'm spilling protein in my urine...and continue to have the headache/blurry vision....however it's not as bad as it was when my pressures were so high....so that's good.

I go back for an NST/blood work/pressure check/and all that good stuff to the hospital on Sunday...and then a 'normal' ob visit happens again this coming Monday afternoon.

I'm feeling good knowing if I just stay on my side it keeps my pressures down to a more 'reasonable' level....as the whole situation is the baby is putting so much pressure on the artery in my back that it's what's causing me to have such high blood pressure....so as long as I prop myself to the side...I'm able to stay stable...

I'm still contracting...but it's obviously not doing anything...they just hurt and go away....at this point they have no rhyme or reason....so that's that....

I'm glad to be home...it's not fun listening to all the women in labor SCREAMING their heads off in pain...because I know soon enough that is going to be me....kind of scary to just lay there and listen to it....I cried a couple times listening to the women giving birth....well the labor part....I just could feel the sheer pain from the loud wretched screams that they were doing...I felt so bad....but it was always sooooo neat to hear the last scream from the mom.....and then hear the scream from the baby that was just pushed out....that was cool.

So anyway....being home feels good....Hubby is taking care of me like a good little man :) He sure has been so wonderful during this whole ordeal.....I just love that man! And let me tell you....I know he loves me....he has been nothing but wonderful this whole time....but then again...he's always been really good to me....I know I'm so lucky to have him....my family is all telling me how wonderful my Husband is too...my Mother especially....she's so cute with him....she loves him so much....and is very appreciative he's here and taking such good care of me. :) That's my darling....he's always such a nice little darling :)

My Uncle who suffered the heart attack while I was in the hospital the first time passed away last night....it was expected....as he never became conscious after the heart attack...and was on life support....once the support was stopped he passed away a couple hours later....so that's sad...but I had a while for it to sink in...and knew it was coming....when he had the heart attack it was a shock...but I knew he wasn't doing well....and now he's not in pain...and has moved on...and I'm at peace with that....the nice thing was that all the family was there by his side as he took his last breaths....so that was good for them they said to be there....I was still in the hospital so I wasn't there....but I told them I didn't want to do that...I don't want to remember him that way....I want to remember him living....so that's what I chose.

Just thought I'd update here...and let you all know what's going on....

Everything has changed!

2006-11-07T05:14:00.000-08:00

I was just released from the hospital after 3 days...I was deemed severely pre-eclamptic and have been through the ringer these past 4 days.

I wasn't feeling so well the other day...I was feeling this headache that wouldn't go away....I started to feel dizzy...and was seeing double...and decided "something" wasn't right...I decided to take my blood pressure here at home....what do you know....it was 154/117 I waited 10 minutes and took it again....still no change....and so we called the doc....and were instructed to get to L&D STAT! We rushed to my hospital....I was hooked up to this that and the other....IV'S were TRIED to be started....that's another story alllll it's own....I'll have Hubby take some pics of my 'battle wounds'....let's just say 19 holes later........I was receiving Magnesuim sulfate...and was immidiatly given beta methadone for the baby's lungs development.

I was at this point still in my 33rd week of pregnancy and the docs were VERY concernced as I was doing what was called clonus (sp) with my reflexes....I was told the only option at the point was delivery....as my life was now in the balance. My pressures were still going up...and they told me I was about to start seizing...I was at my 'small town' hospital in which we intended on delivering our baby....but it is not equipped to handle early births....so I was transffered via ambulance with lights...sirens...the whole shabang to the best hospital around....and my care was continued once I got there....

I was monitored closesly....at the first hospital contractions were 7 minutes apart....but by the time I was rushed to the second hospital....my bp was still rising....and contractions had become so regular they were two minutes apart they lasted that way for hours....I was not to move....I was still on the mag sulfate drip...and was waiting to hopefully be able to get that second dose of beta methazone for the baby lung development with in another 24 hour period...

Again....nothing was helping....I was "really sick" as I was told...and the doctors wanted to get the baby out of me ASAP....because I was still contracting....and my pressures were still sky high....I was to do nothing but lay in a darkened room...on my side....being monitored....and not even do so much as talk....I slept....

When I woke up my pressures had gone down a bit...that was a good thing....they were still HIGH...but not as high as before...so the mag sulfate was helping....I was unable to get out of bed...so I had to use a bed pan to go pee....(an experience) and was checked for dialation....the baby was given an ultrasound to check for fetal weight....she was weighing in at 4 lbs. 13 ounces and is for sure a girl :) My family got to see the ultrasound...so that was neat for them. I didn't see it....I was out of it....plus I couldn't see as I was practically blinded with double/tripple...blurry vision from the pre-eclampsia topped with the medicine I was one to help combat what was going on!

That night the pressures started to go lower....I made it though the night...and to the following day to receive the 2nd beta methazone shot for little homegirls lungs...and they were hoping to get 24 more hours outta me to 'cook' her to get that stuff to work on her lungs....then get her out....

after the second dose of that I was doing good for a while....but then again...a turn for the worse....I was once again doing the clonus (sp) with my reflexes and everyone was asked to leave...including my Husband....as once again my life was on the line....my pressure was going way up again....and the doctor was called....not sure what they did....it's kind of blurry....as I was really drugged at this point...and plus out of it from just being so sick.....

I just know they were able to get me under control after quite some time....(it was several hours) and I was again resting....'cooking' the baby....

After that episode....my pressures continued to stay down and I was in better shape....They've stayed down now for 24 hours...and I was released to come home late last night to do nothing but have "BRP" Bath room privelges. We are monitoring my pressures hourly...and they are stable....we go back to the doc today at 11, and will discuss what is happening from here....she might come tonight....she might come next week....they aren't sure....the contractions stopped all together yesterday....from some meds they gave me....but I do feel them back again today....My hubby went to work for a couple of hours....as he was on a business trip and had JUST gotten back when this all happened so he hasn't been in the office and just needed to get a couple things done....I'm here...and doing well for the moment...all my family is in town...and if I need anyone at anytime while he's gone....I have someone here to help.....
because as if alllllll that wasn't enough....while *I* was in the hospital...my Uncle suffered a massive heart attack yesterday and is in the same hospital I was in, in ICU.....not looking too good for him....so all my family was at the hospital...with me....and him....it was scary.....

Anyway....like I said...we go to the doc today at 11....we're going to see what's going on.....I might be having this baby today....or if they can....they want to see if with nothing but bathroom breaks if I can get to 35 weeks.......if my BP will behanve itself....it's been behaving for about 24 hours now....so that's good....

But it can change SO FAST....so no one's leaving my side just yet.....I'm still here....still pregnant...(for the moment) and have been through THE RINGER these past 4 days! my arms look like I've been beaten.....I never thought I'd be in the back of an ambulance....never thought that in a milllllllion years!

........seriously people........I was just not made for pregnancy I tell you!!!!!

There you go....just wanted to update ya'll.....I'm going to continue with my doing nothing.....(Im in bed on my laptop typing this so don't worry I'm not being naughty and getting up) but I'm going to resume my "no stimuli" until hubby gets home in a couple hours...and we go to the doc and see what we do from here....

I can't beleive it's November

2006-11-01T21:50:00.000-08:00

I can't beleive this baby is due "NEXT MONTH" wowsers.

Even though it still feels like an eternity away when I'm throwing up...and in wretched pain from the stomach tossing and churning that goes along with the whole throwing up thing....when I'm not in pain...it seems like it's going to be tomorrow!

But those moments are few and far between! I've had a hard time these past few weeks...the hyperemesis has in this third trimester gone back to feeling like I'm back in my first trimester...where I just can't catch a break....I'm constantly throwing up...and I've become scared to eat because I know it just means it's more to throw up....not that 'not eating' makes me not throw up...because if it's not food I'm throwing up it's a bunch of yellow acid that burns my throat to no end.

Yesterday I had to throw up but all that kept coming out was blood....It's not uncommon to throw up blood with this 'illness' but I haven't done it all that much...and for a whole 'barf session' to consist of nothing but blood was a bit scary....but that's what it was. I think my throat and innards are just so hurt by the constant feeling of acid...burning....and throwing up that it's making my innards bleed worse than they have before.

I've really come to hate the night time...I can never sleep. I have wretched pains in my tummy from my tummy 'making another batch' all night long....it's hard to get any sleep...I've really started to dread the sun going down as a result. Sad huh.
I can't even drink water when I'm thirsty at night because it comes right back up....and I just hate throwing up so much....gah......................I hope after I'm done being pregnant I never have to barf again in my life.

I've been having a lot of BH contractions the past few days....having one at this very moment.....and I've been getting these sharp shooting pains in my groin/ovary area....shrug to what they are...but they make me jump in pain every time I get them.

There are some days I just want to drop myself down the stairs from the pain...and others where it's not 'so bad' it's not neat....I'm ready for this to be over...I'm ready to stop being depressed about being sick...and lonely...and scared to eat...drink...I'm just ready.

I'm ready to never do this again!

make it stop

2006-10-27T13:13:00.000-07:00

I'm having a horrible day.

I feel sick.

I've felt sick since last night...

Only I'm not "sick" It's just that I

can't stop throwing up....and it hurts.

I hurt.

I feel like crying.

I hate throwing up....make it stop someone.

anyone?

Baby shower #2

2006-10-23T15:35:00.000-07:00

Well we had our second shower...it was really super fun! We played fun games...and everyone had a good time....the only bummer thing was that it was outdoors and I forgot to adjust the camera to the backlighting so most of the pictures came out way super dark :( so pooooo on that.....I only managed to scrounge up two barely decent ones to post....and plus the others were mostly of the guests playing the funny games and stuff...and I won't post pictures of other people because I don't have permission...and that's just rude! So yeah.....We have just about everything now for baby....we just need a couple baskets for the top of the changing table to put diapers/wipes creams and what nots in...a boppy...and a thermometer...a bookshelf and a toybox for her room.....other than that we're gooooood to go :)
We got so many great things....
we got the playpen....

the diaper champ...in pink :)

our diaper bag

fisher price rocker chair ditty...

and a TON of clothes, blankets...and jammies...oh yeah and socks...because everyone who knows me knows I'm a lover of socks :) I even got some socks as a gift for me while I'm in the hospital...they are super cozy!!!

It was a good time...and now we know just what we need to get for little homegirl...and really it's not much at all!

I washed and put everything away....the hospital bag is all packed....the camcorder battery is all charged....we're good to go I tell you! I'll be 32 weeks tomorrow....it's getting so close :)

I have an OB appt. tomorrow afternoon too.....fun times....

What a lucky baby :)

2006-10-12T14:51:00.000-07:00

Little homegirl received two packages in the mail today (I swear she gets more mail than me and she's never even graced us with her presence yet) Anyway....the lovely Tammy at (http://shrinkingflower.blogspot.com/) sent her this adorable set from Carters and the picture does not do it justice....the clothes are so little tiny and cute, and I loveeeee them :) (I was too lazy to go alllll the way upstairs to get my camera and take a pic myself...so this is a picture of the same thing on ebay)

And then the other gift (from my Aunt and Uncle) was this cute little asthma friendly dog that looks like our pooch Max :) Take a looksy loo :)

Just thought I'd share....getting packages in the mail sure is fun...even if the things inside aren't for me....but I still get to open them :) *giggle*

30 weeks

2006-10-10T14:17:00.000-07:00

Well, I had my 30 week OB visit today...the doctor was about a half an hour late getting to the office this morning...but it was because she was delivering two babies :) So while I waited I just read a magazine from baby center about the third trimester....right when I finished it she got there :) Worked out perfectly.

The heartbeat was SO loud this visit...never been so loud and so strong sounding....so that was neat...I weigh exactly the same that I have for the past 3 visits now...so that is good....and I'm still measuring ahead of my gestational date....I'm 30 weeks exactly today...and measured at 35 weeks....it's been pretty consistent now that I've measured between 4 and 6 weeks ahead each visit....I wonder what that means really.....

I try to look it up on google...but never really find any info that helps me to figure it out....

My doctor said that because it's consistantly bigger she's not worried....if it just randomly changed she would think oh...big baby...but she said since it's a constant measuring ahead she's not worried....

that's all for now...

Baby shower #1

2006-10-01T23:38:00.000-07:00

Well.....I was feeling horrrrrrrible on the day of my baby shower....I have been dealing with the neverendingcoldfromhell all week...and seems that Saturday was the worst day....and it just happened to be the day of my shower....so poo on that! I had the worst night of sleep the night before because my stomach hurt so much and I had barfed 15 times by noon....on the morning of the shower....it wasn't pretty.....
But my family knew I wasn't feeling so hot...and instead of me driving to the shower....the shower guests drove to me :) It was great! Well it wasn't at my house...but a friend who lives in town offered to host it instead of my Grandma who lives just about a half an hour away....which isn't all that far....but when you're barfy...IT'S FAR!!!!

Anyway...here are a few pictures from the shower...it is what we deemed 'the family shower'

here is zee cake...

here is a picture of me....doing what I do best....

and me with the loot from one of the bags I had just opened...spread upon me....

Me showing off the breast cancer pink munchking bathtub duck...still with that silly bow on my head!

and here is a shot of 'the loot' (and me in the back with my shirt that is becoming too short with each passing day)

and a 'close up' of some of the loot...

pre term labor

2006-09-27T10:47:00.000-07:00

I was not feeling 'normal' last night...I was feeling 'heavy' and crampy....mostly like a period was on it's way.....I just decided to sit my arse on the couch and not do anything....I certainly didn't feel like cooking dinner....so I just popped some frozen burritos in the microwave for hubby and ate an apple a handful of baby carrots and a smidge of leftover tortelini's from the night before for myself for dinner.....we ate that and I went upstairs to lay down....cause I was just feeling 'so off' I'd barfed a short time before dinner and I tend to get a lot of contractions after I do that so was thinking that must be it again...but these felt a little different than my 'normal' after barfing contractions.....again I tried to relax and take it easy.....

after about 2 hours of feeling blah....I had to go pee like the dickens! I went pee and when I wiped there was blood ! I freaked out and called my husband in the bathroom to look at what I'd discovered.....I cleaned up....and wiped again sure enough....there was still blood.....so I put on a pantiliner and came to our room and called my doctors office...I waited till the emergency info came on the line and pressed 00 to get to the oncall doctor.....

Thank goooooodness MY doctor was the on call doctor last night.....I was happy about that.....she knows me best afterall....and I had just seen her yesterday for my 28 week check up so I was fresh in her mind :)

Her advice was to get to L&D right away......so we did just that.....I was really nervous.....I know it's too early for little home girl to make her appearance....I know she could survive at this point....but not without the threat of a lot of medical problems I was scared.....as was Hubby......we talked on the way there and both agreed what ever happens is out of our control at this point....if she comes out tonight....it is 'not our fault' it's not like we did something wrong....we're doing the right thing by going to the hospital......

Once we got there I was stripped of my clothes and given a gown...peed in a cup....strapped to the NST machine....given an internal with a very painful speculum and checked for dialation after that.......the results were that I was in preterm labor........

I stayed there until the contractions were under control............and when they did finally become that way I was releived......I was sent home with strict orders not to get out of bed for more than pretty much going to the bathroom....and to call IF ANYTHING gets worse or changes......

There was a lady in the room next to me in labor....she kept screaming....I felt bad for her! I could hear her keep saying "I can't do this" it was sad!

Anyway.....that's my story......today I'm feeling alright....I'm just laying in bed....here with my trusty laptop....I'm sitting up currently....so I'll end this post now so I can resume the lying down position...

welp....

2006-09-26T12:35:00.000-07:00

Well I did my 3 hour glucose test ditty yesterday....and had my 28 week OB visit today....the results of the 3 hour were already in this morning when I went to the docs.....

No GD for me ;) Exciting news I tell you!!!!!

My poor OB has a broken hand....twas kind of funny seeing her fumble around trying to feel for the position of baby with her one hand :)

As of this morning little homegirl is FINALLY head down.....I felt her go there at about 6 am this morning....I was on the phone with my Husband as he was driving to work...and I said....woa dear...I feel little homegirl moving funny right now....I even said it feels like she's getting into the correct position....I could litterally feel her nestling her head in between the bones of my pelvis....

My weight was the same as last time....for the first time I hadn't dropped any pounds between visits....nor did I gain any either.....but at least it was the same....I kind of figure she's getting bigger now....perhaps even with always barfing my weight loss will either stop...or slow down a lot.....

I forgot to ask what my measurement was this time...I've been measuring 4-6 weeks ahead each visit but d'oh I forgot to ask what I measured at today....dag nabbit....not that it really matters...I just like to know.....cha know.........

I booked the place for my 2nd baby shower this morning....it's going to be at El Toritos Mexican Restaurant.....on October 21st at 11 am :)

My Mom is throwing the shower but since she works a lot....and well....I don't.....I've sort of taken the reigns on the actual planning! I bought the invitations this morning....they are cute....they say "it's a baby shower" and have a picture of a baby and sparkley "rain showers" falling onto the baby :) *chuckle* and then I got cute little pink baby feet stickers to close the envelopes with....I'm a big fan of sealing envelopes with stickers representing the theme of the card......I'm odd that way..... Of course I'm going to have everyone RSVP to my Mother....it would look a tad silly if it looked as though *I* was throwing my own shower hee hee.....
But I don't mind doing this...it's fun....keeps me busy....and I got to pick out the cute invites...and pick the place I wanted it to be at.....can't beat that with a stick...now can you :)

Dammit all to hell

2006-09-22T08:59:00.000-07:00

Just got a call from my Ob/Gyn my blood work is back from my glucose test.
It's "elevated" So now I have to go in for the 3 hour glucose test ditty....

Dammit.

26 weeks 4 days

2006-09-16T19:34:00.000-07:00

Here's my belly :)

and the comparison...
16 weeks 1 day...20 weeks 5 days...and 26 weeks 4 days

notsomuch

2006-09-12T10:27:00.000-07:00

Just got back from getting my glucose test done...blech!
I had to have blood drawn twice...the first time fasting blood...then the second was after the hour the glucose drink was consumed.....the two were just in case the drink didn't stay down...that my doctor would have at least some indication of my sugar levels fasting....if that drinkypoo didn't stay down......

Of course right when I got home...I barfed up said drinkypoo....not tasty either time letmetellyou!

Little homegirl scared me last night...it was litterally HOURS that I hadn't felt her move...and so I was moving my belly....poking it....shaking it....trying to get her to move....but I couldn't drink or eat (because I was fasting for the bloodwork) homegirl still didn't move.....it was 2 hours before I felt one little kick at 2:30 in the morning.....but then I thought...what if that wasn't a kick....ahhhh.....I was a bit nervous....so I waited for another.....that took about a half an hour more waiting.....but she finally decided she would grace me with her kicks.....of course she's doing a jig right now.....like usual.....but she scared me last night...the little booger!

I'm getting rather excited about my baby showers! The first one is on September 30th and the next one is the second weekend in October! Fun times!

Apperently people in my family are asking my Grandma (she is hosting the first shower) "why the shower is so early...considering I'm not due until December"......I personally don't feel it's 'early'....do you????? I mean....hello.....I have to be prepared!!!! Duh people....of course the family members asking stupid things like that are also the people who have no kids........figures.

Blech....I don't feel so neat...I think I'm going to go lay down....

update

2006-08-30T12:36:00.000-07:00

I had my 24 week ob visit yesterday...down another 2 pounds...baby is doing great as usual...she kept moving all around when the midwife was trying to hear her heartbeat...she's a stinker when people touch my belly she gets all bitter and always shoves away!

I've been feeling pretty much like poo lately...I am really tired of always being sick...I had the worst night on Saturday night...I just kept on throwing up soooo many times I couldn't even beleive how there could even BE that much in my stomach to bring up....after the 3rd or 4th round I tried to lay back down in bed but was overcome with tears from the pain...and hubby got up and got me a cold towel for my head and rubbed my back...then the final puke came up and I took one of my strong (knocks me out for 6 hours) medicine for nausea and was finally able to go to sleep...it hurt still before I fell asleep...and hubby rubbed my back till I fell asleep.

We picked up the carseat and stroller last night....we ended up getting the Britax Boulevard in Onyx...and the Bugaboo Gecko in black....now we're ready for little homegirl when she's ready to meet us :)

Well I just ate some lunch...a mini bagel with cream cheese....and it feels like it's trying to make it's way back up....(shocking) so I am going to go now.

le sigh

2006-08-16T14:54:00.000-07:00

I'm bored.
I took out all my fabric and was going to sew...but what to sew...
I have a gang load of fabric...and two perfectly wonderful sewing machines
but I can't find the gumption to sew....oy.

I guess I'm mostly bored because my Husband won't be home until after midnight tonight he's going to a baseball game after work, for some work function....then he has another long day tomorrow so I won't see him until about 8pm tomorrow night......and right now....being home alllll day.....with everyone I know working.....I need him to be my sanity at the end of the day :) Ya know....someone to talk to besides the dog. (At least the dog never disagrees with me, right?)

On a neat-o note...my sister (who got married last month) is moving back home! Her and her Hubby decided San Diego was not the place for them just two short days ago...and are coming home NEXT WEEK!!! Yay for that.....I will get to see my little Tator Tot once again :) yay, he was excited when they told him he was moving back 'home' and excited to be close to his favorite and best auntie in the whole widest world OK so I made that last part up...but whatever :)

My sister is an excellent sewer....errr...or would that be seamstress....oh who knows...anyway once she comes back we can go back to having our sewing pow wows once again :) She's so artsy it inspires me to try to make something even remotly as good as what she does....not that, that will ever happen.....she's much to artsy for me....She can draw, paint...sew...you name it with the best of em....me on the other hand....I have a hard time drawing a stick figure, how sad is that.

Last night I ate a scoop of peanut butter chocolate ice cream from Baskin Robbins since it was dollar scoop night....oh man alive did the baby love that...she was kicking and dancing and bee bopping for about a half an hour! Hubby even felt her kick last night for the first time during her little 'episode' she was drunk on sugar!

22 week ob appt.

2006-08-14T16:37:00.000-07:00

Just got back from today's doctor appointment....I lost 3 more pounds....bringing my weight to -23 pounds since becoming pregnant....the heartbeat was spiffy on the baby....I'm going to be 22 weeks tomorrow....but my uterus was measuring at 30 weeks! That's huge! The baby measures on target to my due date according to ultrasounds....I think my ueterus is just measuring big because I'm short....with not much of a torso :) Anywhoozle.....that's my story for the day.

Bonding

2006-08-10T23:01:00.000-07:00

When did/do you bond with your baby?
Where you still pregnant?
Was it after birth?
Was it at the time of birth?

Just wondering...

I think I've had a hard time bonding with this baby so far because I've been so sick all the time....I'm not sure what 'normal' is as far as bonding with baby....does it happen now....was it already supposed to happen...does it happen at the birth...or after....I'm just not sure.....

Just posing the question to all of you....

the belly

2006-08-07T09:32:00.000-07:00

I broke down and had Hubby take another belly shot last night....here it is... (sorry about the horrible lighting)

and a comparision for your viewing pleasure...

12 weeks......16 weeks one day ...and 20 weeks 5 days ...

things

2006-08-04T15:08:00.000-07:00

Well the dresser combo ditty has arrived...it's sitting in our living room currently! Hubby is going to tackle that project this weekend. I can't wait to have the room all set up :)

It's time for another belly shot....well a couple days past time actually...but I don't seem to look any different from the last shot...so I've put it off...ya know...

I've been getting a few painful contractions through out the past week or so each day...

I have my 10 year high school reunion coming up soon! On August 19th...to be exact....me and the hubby will be attending that together...there is a pretty big list of people who will be there...should be fun!

I can't wait to get all the little clothes we have put away in the dresser...and get the room all prettiefied :)

I need to take a shower! Staying home all day...and throwing up so often....and never really feeling 'well' I just tend to lay around all day....but there are times even my own smell repulses me! I sometimes smell like throw up....(your welcome for the mental picture) and that's just not neat! I need to go cleanse myself before hubby comes home from work...it's the least I could do!

my eye has another lovely bloodshot vein in it....it's rather sexy....or something...it's the same one that has been hurting...now it just hurts worse since it's all sore and bloody...and sexy! My Husband was able to find me an eyepatch...so I am a pirate now....ARRRGH! Thanks to walgreens :)

20 week doc visit

2006-07-31T15:14:00.000-07:00

Today I had my 20 week visit with my doc. The baby is doing just fine....I lost more weight since the last visit two weeks ago...which I already knew....but my blood pressure was good....we went over the ultrasound I had and everything was normal :)
Hot diggity to that! We discussed the things I had to discuss....which were the funny red bumps of dry skin on my face....she suggested cortaid for them....so I bought some of that....then I talked to her about my eye that hurts....she suggested getting some sort of a 'patch' to cover it when it hurts to reduce the strain on it...and to keep it 'in the dark' I looked at Target while getting the cortaid but couldn't find anything to cover ones eye.....hahahhaa....and I didnt exactly feel like looking around....I felt like I was going to barf in the aisle I was standing in....so I just said screw it...and brought myself the cortaid and a 7-up...and was on my way back home...the last thing we talked about was my situation and work....I've been out on disability now for a month due to this...but today she said straight out "this doesn't get better for some people it doesn't get worse but it doesn't get better for some and I don't want you going back to work we need you in bed and resting so you don't get weak" so that's that. She filled out the disability papers for both my work and the state.....so now I'm officially not working for good. I couldn't imagine being at work in this state for any longer than I suffered through it in the begining....it was awful....being soooo weak and still being expected to perform all my job duties....and I work a job that requires weekly over time....so yeah...it was not neat.
I have begun going to the doctor now every two weeks to keep track of my weight loss and health issues. She has been a doctor for almost 20 years and I'm only the 3rd paitent she's had with this issue....I think she's handling it nicely though. So I go back to the doctor on August 14th just to make sure me and the baby are still doing ok nutrition wise...

Feeling down

2006-07-28T14:29:00.000-07:00

I've noticed the past couple of days I've been really 'down'
I'm really bored all the time...
I'm too barfy to really go anywhere for more than a QUICK trip...which is rare in itself anyway...
I hurt.
I'm just noticing this whole hyperemesis starting to get me down. I continue to expell from my body what was recently placed in it via my mouth...into the toilet. I don't remember a day in my recent past where I haven't thrown up....that's kind of sad.
My right eye HURTS like a motha from all the throwing up....I can't look to the left with it....when I do look to the left it just automatically closes becuase it hurts bad when I look sideways. It feels I guess like a pulled muscle in my eye....if that makes sense....it's pretty painful. My left side of my jaw is now popping....my right side has always popped thanks to my TMJ but I'm so used to it that it doesn't bother me anymore....but the left side now popping also is odd...both sides pop now. Not cool. My throat is always sore from all the acid I regurgitate....so my hubby got me some sore throat drops. What a guy.
This is just a complaining post. I feel bad typing all this negative stuff...but it's truly how I'm feeling right now. Down in the dumps. sigh.

My eye hurts. wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

On a bright note....we received two packages in the mail for baby this week :) So exciting to open them :) The first was a baby book to write all the babys firsts in it....then today we got another package, twas the Guess How Much I Love You set I had on my Target registry :) Loved it :) My little brother (he's 11) picked it out for the baby :) It's nice to get a knock at the door and no one be there when you open it up except for a little package :)

almost 19 weeks

2006-07-24T11:27:00.000-07:00

Shortly after I wrote my last entry I went to the hospital where I received some help for my dehydration. Again my veins werer collapsed and after 3 pokes they finally got the IV in. Those IV needles HURT I tell you!

We got our crib and bedding set and even a glider/ottoman set all set up in the babys room. We had to order the dresser/changing table combo because the store was all out of them. So it should arrive sometime next week.

We got all the furniture in "natural" so the dresser WE got does match the set I just can't find a picture of it in natural online :) here are some pictures from various websites of the stuff we got.....

Not doing so hot

2006-07-19T12:53:00.000-07:00

Well I felt good for about two days after getting out of the hospital....mostly because I was hydrated and no longer weak. I hadn't gained weight per say in the hospital because they were merely pumping me full of fluids which in turn (TMI) came right back out the other end as the same fluids they went in as (END TMI) but I was hydrated and feeling good(ish) for the time being.
Well...not so much anymore. My Husband has been away on a business trip and was due to come back in the wee hours on Friday morning....So I've been here along...just me and my pooch.....barfing my brains out ****continued in a moment...I have to barf right now****

OK back.

anyway....I was here alone barfing my life away....when my Hubby called this morning I told him how my day before had been and he asked if I wanted him to come home from his trip? I said no....I said you'll be home a in a couple days anyway it's fine....well he called me later telling me he is at the airport and coming home....well he's in Tennesee and we live in California....so he won't be home for a while...but at least he's coming home...

The Doctors phone lines are closed currently and do not reopen until 2 pm so I'm going to call her at that time and see what she wants me to do. I'm down another 3.5 pounds in the past couple of days and again nothing is staying down.

Let me just say, this is going to be our only baby. I am not going through this again. Everyone says oh you'll forget....you'll want another....no....wrong. How can I forget being so weak...how can I forget throwing up 20 times in one day for (so far) 5 months straight? I can't. It feels awful. I feel awful....the only good to come of this is my daughter at the end of all this....and then we're done....no more kids for me......we can always adopt later.....if we feel the need for another.

Anyway...this is a site that sort of explains what I have this is what the 'problem' with me is....
http://www.hyperemesis.org/hyperemesis-gravidarum/

I don't know how to make links...becuase I'm lame....and I'm too weak right now to find the time to do it....so you can copy and paste it and read it if you're interested.

We're back!

2006-07-15T11:55:00.000-07:00

Look at my beautiful baby!!!!!!!

Oh and by the way.......It's a GIRL!!!!!!!!!

We're so happy!

discharged

2006-07-14T09:15:00.000-07:00

Well I've spent the past couple of days in the hospital because of severe dehydration. I was unable to keep anything down for 3 full days so I was admitted to the hospital for IV therapy. I was so weak I could barely keep my eyes open. I had made an appointment to see my regular OB/GYN and she took a look at me said "you're lips have no color YOU have no color you're being admitted into the hospital ASAP"
My veins were so collapsed they had a tough time getting the IV in, which is odd for me becuase I've always had "beautiful" veins for shots and such. But with no food or fluid in my system for that long I guess things change. The first thing was to check on the baby with the doppler...baby was fine...it was me they were worried about. I had lost 7 pounds in 7 days and that was not good! (For a total of 12 pounds LOST so far this pregnancy thanks to all the vommiting) (which is NOT what I'm going for here people) After the IV was placed (after 4 docs tried their hand at me...they had to use the ultra sound machine to find a vein.) I just rested in my room I was beyond tired from being so weak.

That night after I was finally able to fall asleep I started to have some odd spasms in my legs, then also my hands were clenching uncontrolably I paged for a nurse and they beeped into my room and I couldn't talk I tried to say "can you send a nurse in" but all that came out was my tongue trying to form the words and unable to. It was SCARY. The nurses all ran into my room they said my body was going into shock from the lack of nutrition and they shoved something else in my IV. They stayed with me and rubbed my back, and calmed me down while this all lasted...after it past (about 30 minutes) I was feeling better....and tired since it was 3 in the morning....they left the room and I was freaked....so I quizzed myself on talking....I tried to say "Brooke" at first I couldn't....it took all my thought to make my mouth form the word....but after a few minutes what ever it was that they put in my IV was working and I was able to say my name again....and then I said "hospital" and I felt good enough to get some rest.....so I was actually able to sleep for 3 whole hours then...and woke up feeling much better. Still nauseated, because my zofran was wearing off....but I'm used to it...it hurts like hell to always be nauseated and throw up I tell you people. But at least I was in good hands....and I was especially thankful I was already in the hospital when my body went into shock....that was S C A R Y!

I got so many flowers while I was in there....but one thing I found quite rude, was my work didn't send me flowers. Rude. My Husbands work sent the biggest boquet I've ever gotten in my LIFE I mean the thing is HUGE and pretty! But my work....nothing....rude. I had many visitors...and people who love me call....my phone rang off the hook....and I was getting flowers and visitors nonstop :) That made me feel special :) But I still find it quite rude that my work didn't send flowers. hrrrmmph.

I'm home now....feeling a bit better.....certainly a whole hell of a lot better than when I went into the hospital since I'm no longer dehydrated....my right arm is quite sore from all the meds being pumped into that arm....but I'm just glad to be back home and that my baby is ok :)

not too much

2006-07-06T17:41:00.000-07:00

Tammy I forgot to write you about the medicine you had asked about for my nausea....yes you were right it is Zofran, and it helps the barfing is not gone...but it really decreases when I take it. I had a prenatal visit with my doc yesterday and she wrote me another scrip for it with a refill since it's working at decreasing the amount of barfing through the day.

I got the referral to schedule our "big" ultrasound! I booked the appointment today so it's on July 15th at 9 am....a Saturday! I am stoked! I can't wait to be able to buy boy or girl things!

The wedding was great...the shortest ceremony I've ever seen....but she wanted it short and sweet...it was only about 5 minutes! And the reception was great....my nephew cried his little eyes out when it was time to leave becuase he was scared of leaving his mom for two weeks....but we've done good at keeping him busy and occupied that he's enjoying his time here at his favorite aunties house in the whole world :)

So we only have 9 days till we find out if we're having a girl baby or a boy baby.....

Belly pics :)

2006-07-06T08:16:00.000-07:00

Once again it is that time :)

Here is the shot of me taken last night...at 16 weeks 1 day.

and then the last one compared to this one....

I'm in love

2006-06-29T14:44:00.000-07:00

I'm in love with this bedding set for a girl!.....

Update

2006-06-28T23:51:00.000-07:00

Well it's been a while so I thought I'd update this here blog...

First off.....I went to the ob yesterday, an unexpected visit, but we (hubby met me there) I was seen due to the excessive vommiting I still have going on....so the doc decided to try a different scrip, and also give me a little time to get used to said scrip and to see if it works for me....so I'm out on disability until July 10th...The pharmacy did not have the scrip on hand so I go to pick it up tomorrow and we shall see if it helps me....I'll do anything to end this barfing! Yesterday (one of the times I barfed while driving) I had just gone to target to pick up a few essentials when I felt it....I quickly emptied the bag I'd just gotten all the items put in and proceeded to vommit right into the bag...well I didn't realize the bag wasn't quite lined up with my chin....and so...yes I had a bag of barf....but I also had a load of barf all over my chin and chest....it was lovely. That was me on my first attempt to go to the OB....didn't make it that time....because I had to go home and clean up after that one...or so I thought....bee bopping along to home....keep in mind I live about 1.5 miles from Target....I am feeling fine when all of a sudden once again...BOOM....I have to barf N O W.....so I rush from the furthest left lane....all the way to the furthest right lane to the gas station on the corner and let loose......ahhh......releif.....and THEN I was on my way home.......

Take two....on the trip to the ob.....pretty much the same....except...I successfully was able to pull over into some parking lots and barf in some random bushes a couple times on the way over....so that was that.....made it to the docs and I was feeling better.....there wasn't anything left to bring up......ya know.....so anyway....she said she wants me to take this time and see if this pill will help with the nausea and barfing....I'm hoping it will do the trick....she said she didn't give this to me first because "it's really expensive" I said I could give a rats ass about the price....bring on the relief!!!!!! Not too mention the most we can pay for a scrip with our insurance is 25$ and that's only if there is no generic and 25$ is freaking nothing.....I want relief! So I pick that up tomorrow :)

My Sister (the one who makes and paints all those adorable cloth diapers) is getting married on Sunday....so our flight leaves first thing Friday morning....we're taking the dog to be boarded tomorrow....and will be on our way to San Diego.....we'll get to see her new house and where she's living now...so that should be fun...My Husband and I plan on going to the San Diego Zoo while we're there for some alone time on Friday....then Saturday we'll go with the family to Sea World....then Sunday is wedding time....I'm the Maid of Honor :) Everything is all planned out....everything is all going to be so great....I can't wait...it's going to be a great day...I'm so happy for her :) It's going to be a beautiful outdoor ceremony right on the water....in the afternoon they are having 6 attendents on each side....and a flower girl and ring boy....My nephew of course is the ring bearer :) He is most excited about the fact that he "gets a present" for being in the wedding more than anything...he cracks me up....
We come back Monday morning...with Nephew in tow...he'll be staying with us for 2 weeks this summer while his Mom and Dad go on their honeymoon to Paris and Prauge (sp) He is SOOOOO looking forward to being with Auntie :) (I *am* the best Auntie in the world) He's really excited actually because Uncle Larry told him if he's a good boy while he's here he gets to go home with our piggy bank...full of silver money....so the kid is way freaking stoked.....he thinks he's going to be rich...and he can buy everything he's ever wanted! Oh....he kills me...that kid....he really does...he's a kick in the pants!.....He's 7.....and he knows "it all" I tell you....

check it out

2006-06-24T21:41:00.000-07:00

Check out my sisters store :)
You're sure to love it!

www.hyenacart.com/AdorableBunsandStuff

Belly Button pain

2006-06-22T21:14:00.000-07:00

I started having this pulling pain I guess I'd describe it that way...but it's sort of like a pulling...and a ache when I move....it's the weirdest....
Does anyone else have something similar going on? I can't really find any info on it for people this early on...Mostly for people around 20+ weeks along....
Just wondering if anyone has had this happen to them...to all the gals who are/were knocked up........

chuckle

2006-06-18T20:50:00.000-07:00

I found this set even before I was pregnant....I still think it's cute/funny :)

taking a break

2006-06-14T18:10:00.000-07:00

I'm taking a break from making dinner....man I'm hotter than heck! Slaving over the hot stove really gets to a gal!
We're having home made spanish rice and fajitas with fresh guacamole and the fixins....yummmy....can't wait for it to be done....hubby took over the reigns he's in charge of the black beans and cooking up the meat real quick like....then we'll be good to go...and ready for the feast.

I weighed myself again this morning....looks like I'm still the same as when I had my last doctor appointment so that's good...I don't want to gain too fast....considering I'm only supposed to gain 15-20 pounds since I'm starting way above my ideal body weight to begin with.....so I really don't want to gain any more than that to be honest.....and I am looking forward to losing weight after this is all said and done.....

Our house is roasting right now.....it's practically raining outside right now and we have the a/c on! hahahaha becuase we're boiling from every burner on the stove being on....

I only threw up once today :) Can you say miracle? It was at work...and there was a lady in the bathroom two stalls away....she came in...sat down...went pee SOOOO fast and jetted out of the bathroom soooo fast........she must have wanted to barf herself having to listen to it.....I know I would! She was standing outside the bathroom door when I was done when I walked out she was like ARE YOU OK???? hahhaha....I said yes....I'm fine....really........she's 7 months pregnant herself....but she has never been sick with her little one....lucky.

Anyway.....I just needed to get out of the kitchen for a little bit so my eyes could recover from the onion cry I had going on.......I think I'm good now......no more onion cry......for now.......I even did that little trick where I soaked the onion in ice water before slicing it...it usually does the trick for me....but not this time....

OK I'm off to help hubby if there's anything left for me to do to help prepare dinner....toodles

staying alive...staying alive...oh..oh...oh....staying alive

2006-06-12T12:50:00.000-07:00

Yeah.....
I'm home again...I only lasted a half day at work today....becuase I was better off at home than wasting works time sitting on the floor in the bathroom....I have thrown up 8 times today so far...and it's just after noon......lucky me.

I got some gatorade from Target on the way home so far it's staying down...I ate a bland baked potato when i came home...and so far that too is staying down.....I also just about five minutes ago too one of my phenegrams (sp) the scrip I have for morning sickness...only the 3rd one I've taken so far....but I don't think my throat can take any more throwing up today....nor can my teeth! They totally feel like they are going to fall out from the puking! Not that they will...I have strong teeth...and keep up to date with cleanings and all that good dental hygene....so I'm aware they won't actually fall out....it's just not neat the way they feel after I throw up.

I'm feeling fine (other than the obvious all day sickness) with the pregnancy....we've begun tearing the office apart and getting it ready to be the nursery.....we've rearranged the furniture from the office into the living room....(it all matches) and we just have to get rid of my desk to the goodwill and bring hubbys desk to our room and that part of the project will be done.....we're keeping our fold out couch in there for now because we'll be having my nephew here with us for two weeks next month staying in that room....and he'll be sleeping on the sofa bed....after that it's sionara to that as well.....we have a gang load of 'stuff' to take to goodwill....as per our usual....we always have a gang load of stuff to take there....we take a donation at least 2 times a month I swear....we're good about getting rid of things we don't use anymore...and that have over time just begun to 'take up space' so we just donate it there and have it out of our hair....ya know.....much easier that way than trying to have a garage sale or selling crap on ebay.....that's just too much work!

Anywhoozle....I'm feeling better from that fall....my ribs aren't bruised anymore....and my gigantic rug burn is almost gone...it's soooooo itchy though since it's heeling right now...i've just been putting calamine lotion on it so i don't scratch my arm off! hahahaha....I swear I have NO SELF CONTROL when it comes to scratching things like that...or bug bites or what have you....I scratch em raw I tell you............

We're excited for our 20 week scan and we're hoping to find out the sex of jr. I can't wait............I'll be curios to see the measurements of the baby too...since it's been since the first scan since those were taken.....which I'm aware is the norm.....just anxios to find out what we're having.....to know if it will be baby name A or baby name B :)

Scary day

2006-06-07T20:07:00.000-07:00

I had a pretty bad day today.
It started out normal, as with any other day...I ate breakfast.....barfed it right back up......got ready for work....barfed on the way....and then got to work.....all was 'normal'....

I had been to work for about 15 minutes when I felt the urge to barf...so I got up from my chair and ran towards the bathroom....as I was running I made it about 10 strides when I fell and landed smack dab on my stomach I started to freak out and cry because I automatically thought OMG I just fell on my stomach I just killed my baby.....those were the thoughts running through my head...as I laid on the ground crying from the pain of the gigantic rug burn I got on my elbow area...I remembered the reason I was running in the first place and said "oh my god I'm gonna barf" and jumped up and ran to the bathroom....a co worker followed me in there and held my hair...hahahaha....that was kind of funny....but it was a nice gesture.
Afterwards she put some ointment on my rug burned elbow and a bandage....and when I got back to my office everyone was concerned and worried....naturally....the pregnant lady just fell ON HER STOMACH! They were right to be worried....

I called the hospital for some advice as to what to do....I told the woman who answered the phone what happened and her exact words were "and WHY are you on the phone and not in the ER?" I said....ok I just didn't know what I was supposed to do....this has never happened to me before....she said "get here now"

So I had a coworker take me to the ER and my Husband met me there....I had to have the coworker pull over on the freeway once becuase I had to barf something fierce and she has a nice convertible BMW....and I didn't think it would be too thoughtful of me to barf in there! She pulled right on over and I barfed....and we went on our merry way......
When I got to the hospital ER there were other people there waiting but I was told to go right on back (that's a first) and they had me pee in a cup to test for blood in my urine...and they checked for the babys heartbeat....the RN found it right away.....what a releif!!!
After she left I stripped down to my undies and waited for the doc to come in...he was very nice....said "never wear those shoes again" as a little joke.....I said...funny I've heard that "joke" 3 times since the fall! hahhaha
anyway.....he checked me all out...and said I looked fine....and baby seemed to be happy still in there.....but just to be safe he did an ultrasound.....I was SOOO happ to see my baby in there jumping allllll around....it was hard to get a shot of the baby becuase it was on a trampoline and just kept bouncing everywhere and bouncing right off the screen...it was cute. I was admitted just to be watched for a while....but later released when all seemed well enough to go home......I took the rest of the day off.....per docs orders...and am scheduled to go to my normal OB for a follow up visit tomorrow at 10:30 am just for one last check to make sure all is well still.

On the way home from the hospital....I had the NEED to barf again...I was on the phone with my sister and the hubby was driving.....I said I HAVE TO BARF.....I got off the phone with my sister real quick...he pulled over and I jumped out...barfed in someones yard...and hopped back in the car and we drove away....hahahaha...looking back that was kind of funny!

The only good thing about today was we got to see our baby again.....that was unexpected because our next scan is not until 20 weeks....but we got to see our little jumping bean today :) Here is the shot.....it's blurry...but it's still a picture :)

and here is the same shot with some 'markers' for reference :)

doctor visit #2

2006-06-06T19:01:00.000-07:00

Today I had my 12 week visit it was an uneventful visit!
As all is going well...
My blood work from the past visit was all good....I'm not a Cistic Fibrosis carrier...I have A+ blood type...and everything else they tested for came out negative...so that's always a plus! My blood pressure was 121/74 and I've gained 2 pounds so far. That was basically the visit in a nutshell.

My Husband took a new shot of my belly tonight....so here it is...compared to the last one...the first one taken at 6wks5dys and then the one today taken at 12wks0dys

Baby things!!!

2006-06-03T19:47:00.000-07:00

Just thought I'd post some of the things we'll be getting for baby :)

First off we got these two cute little outfits for jr.

This cute little lamby was calling jr.'s name when I saw it...so I *had* to have it...

And these are some of the things on the list "to buy" for baby in a few months down the road....

The Bugaboo Cameleon stroller in Black and grey...

Next...this is the high chair we want...it's nice because it doesn't take up too much room and it's still functional...

Then...this is the Diaper bag we've chosen......

<

Next up is the swing....

Then we'll be getting two of these....one for each car....the Britax Boulevard...

And this concludes my show and tell session for the day!

yo

2006-06-02T08:05:00.000-07:00

I'm still alive.
I have been having my ass kicked by work, and morning sickness!

What is with me barfing and having a bloody nose all at the same time!

The other day the barf was coming out so strong it all splashed in my face....twas lovely...3 seconds later as i was heaving yet another time in the same barfing session....a gallon of blood comes dripping out of my nose....as I'm barfing...with splashed barf on my face....to top that all off......during that little 'session' I managed to burst a blood vessel or what have you....in my left eye...leaving it hideous to this day and allll read in the white part of my eye.....I really should have taken a picture.....I looked like I had gotten in a horrible bar fight or something when it was all said and done....barf on my face....blood running down my face.....a blood shot left eye....and looking like death.......I was a picture of beauty at that moment to my Husband I'm sure!

Oh....the joys!

hahahhaa

sorry if that was just a little disgusting to read!

Anywhoozle....

Today or rather this morning....I've chosen to stay home from work due to a morning yet again filled with barfing....bloody noses...and a HORRIBLE back ache...I think I pulled a muscle in my back....it hurts like a motha in between my shoulder blades.....ouch. So...me and my red ass eye are home today. Been barfing...and bleeding out of my nose holes and all the fun stuff that I've described has prevented me from getting ready for work....so screw that.....I'm not having a pleasant morning...I had to take one of my morning sickness pills from the scrip I got earlier in the pregnancy....which means I'll be out like a light in about 5 more minutes for about 3 hours.....because that is what the "releif" in the pill is.....it knocks your ass OUT. Plain and simple.

So before I pass out while typing this....I'm going to go lay down in my bed so I don't just drop somewhere else and sleep for hours in some uncomfortable position further hurting my aching back!

Toodles.
Hey....all this means I'm still all knocked up :) So heck......

PS....my gut is telling me this is a boy....and as my boss put it....he's kicking my ass!

crib bedding

2006-05-24T21:35:00.000-07:00

we've decided on a crib set if we should have a boy baby :)

We plan on finding out if this is a girl or a boy....so we're hoping to have an easy time of decorating a nursery in the coming months.....we've chosen this ditty for a boys room.........still nothing at all for a girl.....because the husband is convinced we're having a boy....

on another note....
why do people ask if we've picked out or talked about names yet when all they can do when I tell them what we've come up with is knock the choice?????? I mean I could give a rats what you think of the name we are choosing for *our* baby....I think I've decided we're just not talking names to anyone......poo on everyone for giving me their "opinion" of the name choices we tossed out.....poo on you!
god.....it just irks me.......when I tell you what we're thinking of don't say "oh no, you don't want your son made fun of for the rest of his life with a name like that" or...."oh yeah I knew a he had the worst case of acnce" We are thinking over the name thing....we'll be fine.....thanks for the "advice" everyone........................

We want a strong name, and old fashioned name....that is not over used.....and that does NOT come from a book of baby names....we want the name to have a meaning...a purpose to US......we don't have anything in particular in mind yet....(ok *I* do but have yet to convince hubby they are the perfect names) anyway....that is my rant on that.....

I'm going to do my best to drop no baby names until jr. is born....and no the kid will not be a jr...............my kid is not going to be Larry! hahahha......

alive

2006-05-22T18:23:00.000-07:00

I'm alive.
I've been really super duper tired lately :)

We had a nice weekend...short as always....however I did have to bust out the maternity clothes this weekend......I went to Motherhood to see if I could find a pair of maternity jeans....all I could find in my length was a pair of capris (which on me are long pants) so we picked those up...we also got 3 pairs of work pants and 4 more shirts to go along with the collection of clothes that my friend Danielle sent me from when she was pregnant with her little man who is now almost 1! So that's all taken care of and I should be good for the rest of this journey clothes wise.

I've been getting morning sickness like "the movies" now...instead of being really sick feeling before I throw up....I just am in the middle of doing something and I just barf....it's lovely I must say....hahahaha......but at least there's no pain before...and no pain after...so hey I'll take it!

I think it's almost time for another 'belly' shot....since I've obviously gained some weight since none of my pants want to close anymore (hence the maternity clothes shopping this weekend) so I'll probably have hubby do that tomorrow or the next day....I'm already in my jammies today....so I don't think you want to see me now! hahaha......

I have to go study for finals now....just wanted to update this blog ditty.

Thank you everyone!

2006-05-19T21:08:00.000-07:00

Thanks to all for the wonderful thoughts and comments on my last entry.
I am so happy ;)
Last night was the first night I *had* to get up 4 times in the middle of the night to go pee! I thought to myself......welcome to pregnancy :)

It has been brought to my attention that if you turn your head to the right on my ultrasound.....my *baby* looks like a *bunny*....come on....go look :)

sorry everyone!

2006-05-17T18:31:00.000-07:00

My work computer does not let me access this site....so sorry to keep you all in suspense!
But alas all is well! We have a little chiderlink in there!!!!
The heartbeat was at 189....no idea what a "normal" heartbeat is...but the broad said it was "excellent" So I'll take it!!!

The baby is measuring at 8 weeks 4 days instead of 9 week 1 day...but she said it's so early that the days can be off by up to 5 days...although she technically moved my due date to December 23 instead of December 19th...but I'm keeping it the 19th dammit! hahaha

anywhoozle...here is our picture :)
Sorry when I tried to resize it every time it was making it microscopic....so I just left it alone.......

the big day.....

2006-05-16T17:31:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is the big day.
Keep your fingers...toes....eyes...and anything else that can be crossed....crossed for us!

still here.

2006-05-12T06:59:00.000-07:00

you know what.....
I still feel pregnant.
And dammit....I'm not losing hope.
After talking with Milenka...I came to see that the way my ultrasound was preformed was a bit lame! The ob makes you pee in a cup when you first arrive...to check for what ever it is they do when they dip that little strip in the pee.....well I had a completely empy bladder....not to mention the equipment at the ob isn't exactly state of the art.....meaning.....I am almost positive that machine is older than me.....and last but not least....I have that massive.....(read:stomach deserves own zip code) stomach so you know what......
I'm not ready for the "sorry for your loss" comments just yet.....
I've booked my ultrasound for Wednesday at the hospital and it's FIRST thing in the morning :) 7:15 is when I check in....I have to drink 24 ounces of water before going in with the last sip to be drank no later than 6:45 am.
I'm hopeful....
I have sore bb's like a motha.
so don't look at them wrong or I'll cry becuase you'll make them hurt.

dammit....there just has to be a baby in there........

I have to beleive that is the case.....for my sanity!
We'll see on Wednesday bright and early if I'm right.
I've insisted my husband join me for the visit because *if* there were to be bad news revealed to me....I could NOT take that alone. NO WAY, no how.

So the point of this entry is....I'm still feeling pregnant.
I still think I am pregnant....
and I'm not giving up hope....
dammit the ultrasound was done on an empty bladder....through layers of my belly...err...fat....and on a piece of poo poo machine......
I've got to have hope....because all of those things equal....wrong.
It was done all wrong........and I'm hoping to see a wiggly little chiderlink when I go in on Wednesday.
So I'm renewing hope for this pregnancy.....until further notice. :)

scared

2006-05-09T22:43:00.000-07:00

I'm so scared.
No one around me understands...no one.
I'm scared, and alone.
I wish I could take this day back.
I wish my baby was there on the screen.
I wish I could stop crying.
I'm so scared.
I'm scared.
Why did I go and tell everyone I was pregnant again...
You'd think I'd have learned from my last experience.
*cries*
My heart is breaking.

I'm such a fool for beleiving....
such a fool.

appointment news

2006-05-09T17:26:00.000-07:00

I just got back from my first ob appointment.
I got naked....
I got a pap since I was due in two months anyways...
yacked with the doc for a long while...(the midwife rather)
we went over all the important stuff...like family history...
and all that jazz....
was getting jittery...and nervous...cause next was the ultrasound....
walked to the ultrasound room....
hubby jumps up to stand next to me....
she pokes...and prods...and what not....she can't find anything....
she pokes more....and pushes soooo hard with that ditty....still nothing
we did that for no more than 3 minutes and it was over.
They found nothing.
Yeah...fabufuckinglous.
*sobs*
I have a refferal to go to the hospital and use a 'high tech' ultrasound gizmo of whatever sort there.....I'm fucking pissed. I'm so sad...dissapointed...I've been counting down to THIS day for a fucking month....and I walk home feeling like nothing more than a failure.

The hospital ultrasound (I was told) 'might be able to get me in, in as soon as 2 weeks'
woo fucking woo.
two more weeks of this shit.
fuck.

For Milenka :)

2006-05-06T19:13:00.000-07:00

First off....I too have my doubts about the 2nd trimester being any easier sick wise....my Sister had "morning" sickness until two mother effing weeks until my nephew was born.......yeah...NO THANKS!
And about my sisters diaper website....I have nooooo clue how to link to things....so you'd have to be so kind as to do that for me..... :)
We *do* plan on finding out the gender of our little baby :) That's for sure....I'm not much for 'surprises'....we're also going to be doing a 4-d ultrasound at prenatal peek I can't freaking wait for that!!!
My first OBGYN apointment is on TUESDAY!!! I'm thrilled!
My bet is only one baby is in there....
and yours?

Hopefully this will do the trick

2006-05-05T18:29:00.000-07:00

Last night was the worst night yet.
I wasn't able to go to bed until after 3 am.
Thanks to all the vomiting I did last night.
Yes....people....I barfed 11 fucking times last night from 11pm till about 3am...
I cried....I barfed....I cried more from the pain and agony....I barfed again....it was horrible the pain....it wasn't until the last time I barfed that I felt ANY releif from the pain...and even then my stomach was still in such twisting turning pain that I MADE myself lay down for the night and TRY and get some sleep....since I *did* have to work today....and since I had to be up for work at that point in roughly 2.5 hours...I figured that much sleep was probably better than NO sleep.....needless to say I'm freaking EXHAUSTED today.
I called the doctor last night in the middle of the night....she placed a prescription for some pregnancy safe anti nausea medicine the pharmacist was SO helpful today....such a nice man....he said (when I picked up the scrip) "first and foremost congrats on the pregnancy since I assume that's what this medicine for nausea is for" it was sweet.......and he told me he'd like me to use it as a last resort....I agreed....and he told me a lot of 'tricks' to help with nausea....first off I've purchased some seabands....wearing them now....he told me about vitamin B6 and how that can help....and also that benadryl or dramamine will also help with the nausea....so I got them all! I'm obviously trying the seabands...as I'm wearing them now....(quite the fashion statement) so yeah......I'm happy I do have the scrip....because if i *ever* have a night like I had last night again.....I'll def. take them. I don't need to be in that much pain if there is something that can help me...that's for sure.....but I'm glad the pharmacist was sooo helpful....he really took a lot of time and made sure I knew all the tricks to help me deal with this.
So yeah......I've worked my stomach muscles so much so far with this pregnancy that I'm not the least bit sore from all the barfing this last time around....my throat doesn't hurt....nor does my stomach....however my eyes do hurt....not only because they are TIRED but because they feel like they are going to POP out of my head from all that barfing I did last night....and the night before....and the night before....and the night before.....need I go on........11 in one night though....so far that's the record.....and I mean.....each time was many heaves.......oh the agony!!!!!
Come on second trimester....I'm waiting for you :)

oh the pain

2006-05-02T22:23:00.000-07:00

oh the agony....I can't stop this horrible pain in my belly....I can't stop throwing up....I can't stay still from all the pain I'm in.....I am in so much pain.

Make this first trimester be over already. I am so DONE throwing up. Done.
I feel so sick. So sooooo sick right now.....I wish I could have been one of the pregnant chicks who never got morning sickness...............why is it called morning sickness for gods sake...it's 10:23 at night....and I had to leave class tonight becuase the wonderous "preggie pop" did nothing for my nausea what so ever...and I just knew there was barf abrewing in there....so I chose to come home and deposit it in my own clean toilet...not a nasty college stall......thankyouverymuch......i've now deposited 4 (so far) "loads" of projectile madness in that toilet.....and I don't feel an end in sight yet......I can tell you there is more in there waiting to burst out....and that is why my stomach is still killing me.

I could cry right now from this pain

first "belly" shot...

2006-04-30T21:53:00.000-07:00

well...here it is...my first belly shot...not that I don't always look pregnant...but heck...I want to track the changes in the coming months :)
so here is my ode to my changing body......at 6 weeks 5 days along :)

I had litteraly (sp) just gotten out of the shower and decided to take the pic...threw on some clothes and stuck my hair in a clippy claw....that my friends is why I look so amazing!

This looked fun :)

They say you are spoiled if you have 40 of these or more:

Do you have:
(1 ) your own cell phone -the pink razor
(2) a television in your bedroom -32 inch LCD
(3) an iPod/MP3 Player - the pink mini
(4) a photo printer - hp photosmart
(5) your own phone line - you know it if you're lucky :)
(6) TiVo or a generic digital video recorder - we have tivo upstairs in our room and then HDTV Tivo downstairs

(7) high-speed internet access (i.e., not dialup)- come on now I hated dial up!
() a surround sound system in bedroom
(8) DVD player in bedroom - yesereebob it's a dvd vcr combo dity
(9) at least a hundred DVDs - I think we have somewhere around 300 DVD's currently
(10) a childfree bathroom - only because we have no kids yet :) though we have 2 cans
(11) your own in-house office - in it right now :)
(12) a pool - planning on taking a dip tomorrow!
() a guest house
() a game room
(13) a queen-size bed or larger - it's a queen...
() a stocked bar
(14) a working dishwasher - heck yes~ my mother gave this to us for a xmas gift to years ago

() an icemaker
(15) a working washer and dryer -couldn't live with out those!
() more than 20 pairs of shoes
(16) at least ten things from a designer store -yeah...I'm a brand whore....what can I say....
(17) expensive sunglasses - again...a brand whore...I wear Gucci sunglasses....
() framed original art
(18) Egyptian cotton sheets or towels - oh the softness :)
(19) a multi-speed bike - we both have trek 4300 mountain bikes with disc breaks
() a gym membership
() large exercise equipment at home

(20) your own set of golf clubs -yesindeedy
() a pool table
() a tennis court
(21) local access to a lake, large pond, or the sea -spring lake it's a beaut.
() your own pair of skis (wakeboard/waterski/downhill ski's)
() enough camping gear for a weekend trip in an isolated area
() a boat
() a jet ski
(22) a neighborhood committee membership - yes the hubby used to be the treasurer
() a beach house or a vacation house/cabin
(23) wealthy family members - yeah, there are quite a few in the family
(24) two or more family cars - 2 I drive an 05 Explorer and hubby drives a 99 F 150
() a walk-in closet or pantry
(25) a yard - yes, but it needs HELP!
() a hammock
() a personal trainer
(26) good credit - excellent credit I might add :)
() expensive jewelry
() a designer bag that required being on a waiting list to get
(27) at least $100 cash in your possession right now - only cause I went to the bank and took some out...I'm not much of a cash carrier really....
(28) more than two credit cards bearing your name - yes I do....
(29) a stock portfolio - yes, with A G Edwards...have had stocks with them for years
(30) a passport - yes indeedy....but you do NOT want to see the pic! barf
() a horse
() a trust fund (either for you or created by you)
() private medical insurance
() a college degree, and no outstanding student loans

Do you:
(31) shop for non-needed items for yourself (like clothes, jewelry,electronics) at least once a week - guilty *hangs head in shame*
(32) do your regular grocery shopping at high-end or specialty stores - when you have a husband that loves fillet mignon as much as mine...you have to! We eat Fillet just about every weekend...and he says the best fillet is from this little specialty grocery store down the street from his work....
() pay someone else to clean your house, do dishes, or launder your clothes (not counting dry-cleaning)
() go on weekend mini-vacations
() send dinners back with every flaw
(33) wear perfume or cologne (not body spray)- Gucci~envy me~ and Chanel ~chance~ also Lacoste ~pink~
(34) regularly get your hair styled or nails done in a salon - yes, even though by the 'belly' shot picture you could never tell!!!!
(35)have a job but don't need the money - each of us feel it's important to have jobs where we soley could support the house if the other were to lose his/her job...
() stay at home with little financial sacrifice
() pay someone else to cook your meals
() pay someone else to watch your children or walk your dogs
() regularly pay someone else to drive you
() expect a gift after you fight with your partner

Are you:
() an only child
() married/partnered to a wealthy person
() baffled/surprised when you don't get your way

Have you:
() been on a cruise
(36) traveled out of the country - France and Canada
(37) met a celebrity - Joe Montana...he lives in the area...
() been to the Caribbean
(38) been to Europe - Paris :)
(39) been to Hawaii - Maui :)
() been to New York
() eaten at the Space Needle in Seattle
() been to the Mall of America
(40) been on the Eiffel tower in Paris - LOVED IT!
() been on the Statue of Liberty in New York
() moved more than three times because you wanted to
() dined with local political figures
() been to both the Atlantic coast and the Pacific coast

Did you:
(41) go to another country for your honeymoon - Paris :)
(42) hire a professional photographer for your wedding or party - yes
() take riding or swimming lessons as a child
() attend private school
() have a Sweet 16 birthday party thrown for you

That was nifty...it says I'm spoiled....hmmmmphhhh

it's 2:41 am

2006-04-28T02:43:00.000-07:00

Hey look it's the middle of the night...on a "work night" and yours truly is awake.....oh but why am I awake you ask?

Beacuse I can't stop barfing.

Oh make it stop......I hurt so bad.....................I have six more weeks of this shit too.....that's *if* my "morning sickness" ends after the first trimester.....my sister had "morning sickness" until two weeks before she gave birth....I HOPE that is not something that "runs in the family"......I'll litterally die.

well....I feel more brewing.........off I go to sit and wait for this latest express of my stomach contents......

spinach looks pretty nasty on the way out................

words

2006-04-26T18:41:00.000-07:00

I am so thankful to Danielle...she is "diva in training" over there on my ever outdated blogroll....
anyway...she is sending me all of her maternity clothes!!! How neat-o is that?
I should receive my packages from her on Friday! Yay...I'm excited :)

Today was a good day.....no sickness what so ever today....that was nice....for a change...hahahha....just as I typed that....what do you know....hahhaha.....how odd!

Oh goodness....it was really an uneventful day....oh yeah...besides the fact that after work today I got my very first ever pedicure done....hello....why didn't anyone ever tell me how heavenly those are???? I'm in love....I am now going to be getting one of those bad boys monthly! I've been deprived all these years....oh man....who would have thunk...........
now I have some pretty pink polish on my toesy woesies....so nice :)

oh yeah baby!

today I am 6weeks and 1day pregnant....it's still so early...and I'm still so fat that no one will even notice I'm pregnant until probably the day I come home with a baby...and someone will say....is s/he yours?
oh the joys of continously looking 10 months pregnant for your adult life! hahahaha....

so yeah....I really am a boring person...and I have nothing neat to say today....I want to buy something....something fun...something neat...something just for me~.....hmmm....what ever shall I purchase for myself....I already have all the purses I want right now....thanks to the Coach store being in the next town over....I have all the perfume I want...thanks to a lovely trip to Paris in November where I went to the million perfume shops they have there and picked up some of the best smelling ones around....which in my personaly opinion...happen to be...Chanel Chance....and Gucci's Envy Me.....oh yeah...I loveeeee those two...I also wear a perfume by Lacoste called Pink....everytime I wear it I feel like I'm in Paris all over again...since it was the perfume I wore while there.....the brand Lacoste is all the rage over there...it's madness!
Anywhoozle....me and my pretty little pink toes are outty!

flippin tired

2006-04-25T21:42:00.001-07:00

I can barely keep my eyes open anymore!
It's freaking madness.
I'm tired 25 hours a day I tell you.

I'm also rather weepy lately...over the past couple of days I've noticed the weepiness come on pretty strong....I mean two nights ago my Husband simply said "dear, I'm going to go up to bed I'm tired" and I started to cry when he left because he left me....
oy.
Also we were watching my nephew last weekend for two days, on night one he was doing what 7 year olds do best at bedtime.....stalling....
He wanted a glass of water...he wanted a light on...he wanted this and that....I finally told him goodnight after his story was done and off I went to the living room....
what do I know but not 3 minutes who comes galivanting down the stairs...but mr. nephew himself.....he "needed" something......hubby put a stop to it...telling him he needs to go to bed and stop stalling....nephew burts into tears...litterally....
and the next thing *I* do is burst into tears right along with him......oh it was lovely....hahahaha....my husband told both of us to go upstairs! hahahahha looking back it was funny....but at the time I was devastated he was crying...
My ~~morning~~ all day sickness has gotten a bit more managable the past three days...only had a couple bouts with it today...and they were very short indeed....so that is good.....except it gets me worrying of course.....that there is something wrong.....and I do the obligitory breast tenderness check to make sure I'm still knocked up.....

oh the joys.......

Have I mentioned I'm tired?!?!?!?!

A bit better

2006-04-21T06:56:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling a bit better today, when I took my temp it was no longer 100+ this morning...so that's good!
I'm up and the dog is outside doing his thang I'm sitting on the couch waiting for him to be done!
Usually I'd be eating breakfast at this time...but seeing as how we have no milk, no cereal....no nothing since I haven't felt well enough in a while to go grocery shopping....well.....we have nothing to actually eat for breakfast at the moment....lovely...I suppose I'll have to eat one of the bananas hanging on the banana rack....even if they have the beginings of little brown spots on them..blech...I can't stand nanners when they have little brown spots on them.....oh well....I need to go grocery shopping like nobody's business!!!
OK well I'm off to go get ready for work..............

sick

2006-04-20T15:00:00.000-07:00

I stayed home from work today because I had the worst night last night.
I started feeling sick I guess around 1:30am...I think that time becuase that is the time I was awakened by awful stomach pains...I felt really sick, like I was going to toss my cookies at any second! I laid in bed moaning and groaning for a while...which did nothing. Then I decided to sit up to see if that would help. sure didn't! So I got up...went downstairs to the living room area and tried to read, but that did nothing either...I was in some stomacb agony by that time...it was probably 3am by this time...and I had gone to the bathroom so I could be close to the toilet since I felt like I was going to barf...but it didn't want to happen.
Finally around 4 I decided to go back to bed, only I situated the two pillows so that I wasn't laying down...I was in a more upright position! Tada...I was *finally* able to go to sleep.....then what do you know...my Husbands alarm goes off for work at 4:50.....nice.

He takes a whopping 15 minutes *tops* to get ready...so he was out the door in a flash...I resumed my upright sleeping position and felt if coming on......oh boy did I ever...............what do you think happened next..........
*
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*
*
*
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*

howdy

2006-04-19T17:54:00.000-07:00

Today was such a beautiful day outside! Finally some sunshine in California...we've had a couple days of sun....after almost an entire month of nothing but rain every single day!!! The sun....at first I was like...what is that thing....hee hee.....it had been so long since we had seen it!

Have I mentioned I have been getting "all day" sickness....No barfing thus far though...let's hope it stays that way!!!

We're having a 'take out' night for dinner tonight...I do beleive that my Husband is ordering us some Chinese.....yummy. I do NOT feel like cooking tonight....that much I know!

Today is the day in my first pregnancy that I started to bleed.....it's a momentious day for me....no blood in sight...and plenty of "all day" sickness here! I'm not worried about miscarriage at the moment....not with these sore bb's and all the nausea!

Goodness gracious....I suppose I can start writing in my pregnancy journal that I picked up a few weeks back while browsing in a baby store....at that time I was merely drooling over things....dreaming of the day....now I can actually write in the book I had bought to journal a pregnancy in...becuase dammit...I'm pregnant again :) I can't wait for December, this is going to be a great Christmas, hopefully if the baby isn't late....we'll have a baby by Christmas! Here's to hoping!

still pregnant!

2006-04-19T05:39:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling pretty well today...It's a better feeling than the previous few days where my bb's were hurting beyond motherfreaking belief! I'm not complaining though....I've wanted this for quite some time!

I've had a consistant temp at 98.2 for four days in a row now, I'm taking that as a good sign that things are right where they need to be.

I'm scheduled for my first prenatal visit on May 9th, I will be getting an ultrasound that day as well! We're excited about that, and I'm happy that I was able to make the appointment at a time that my Husband is able to go with me. Fun times.

It's only 5 something in the morning right now....I got up to let the dog out to go pee since he was whimpering....I'm going to go back up to bed for my last hour of sleep before I have to get up and get ready to head off to work for the day....at least I don't have to work over time today.....that's a plus.....

Toodles.

Test Photo

2006-04-17T18:03:00.000-07:00

Here is a picture of our "lucky" test

fresh start

2006-04-16T21:14:00.000-07:00

I plan on using this blog again...only this time it will be a pregnancy blog as we found out I am pregnant on April 15th 2006....this comes about 5 months after our first pregnancy failed back in November 05....I'm feeling different this time...and feeling really good about this pregnancy...I'm happy...excited...and scared to have to go through what I went through last time....I'm just hoping beyond hope we get a beautiful baby at the end of this year.

Things.

2005-06-21T18:45:00.000-07:00

Well The hubby and I are going to go to Paris!!!! We've planned a trip for this coming November...and we can't wait! We'll be there for 11 days...we plan on going to either London or Spain while we're on that side of the world....Should be fun times!

We've been busy lately...realy busy...I'm in school now....and hubby is still in school...finishing up his last year...we both work full time....it makes it hard to see one another on the weeknights....and I'm in school all of Saturday during the day too....we've been spending as much time together on Sundays as we can...and in the evenings when we're home together too....

Larry leaves for a business trip on Thursday...he'll be gone until Sunday...but the nice thing about this trip is he'll only be in Nevada...i can handle Nevada...at least it's not on the other side of the country like his last trip to CT was.....that was a hard one! I was a mess!

While he's in Nevada he's going to visit his little bro for a while. It will be nice for them to see eachother since they live far apart now....I think they're both looking forward to the visit.

We recently got new bicycles! We have been riding every weekend...it's been fun...and it's been such nice weather that being outdoors enjoying it is really nice....we've had a lot of fun...and it's a great way to spend time together, as well as exersise! We've done about 7 miles a ride...it's good for us...and fun at the same time....so it's a win, win

With hubby starting his new job last month...things have gotten really good financially.....we were fine before...but now...we're great...it's really nice to know that our savings account is going to be growing, and that we can buy the house of our dreams soon enough! We try and keep up with the current market value of the house we currently own, for when we're ready to sell...so we know what the market is like....so far so good...we've made a lot in equity so far! But I think that goes for pretty much all California home owners right now...the market is crazy! The median home price in my town is 554K it's up 20% since we bought our house...that's madness....

Anyway...I always write in my other diary/journal thing...and thought this update could be used here......

toodles.

I was productive...

2005-05-13T22:55:00.000-07:00

Man am I sore!!!
I spent alllllllll evening pruning in the yard....and man am I sore...I never realized how much bending, grabbing, and pulling there is to be done out there....I mean it's the first 'prune' of the 'season' We 'let it go' over the winter...and I was tired of seeing the over grown bushes of roses! I cut that HUGE ASS bush back to a normal plant size! Then trimmed our VERY over grown asparagus (sp) fern back...planted all the new plants i bought for both the inside of the house and the yard....that was fun :) I'm a planter :)
I arranged everything...then had to take the heaps of clippings to the garbage....talk about thorny....oy....at least only one little poke got through my gloves...so I'm glad about that! I sweeped up the debris left on the walk way from my 'dirty work' and sat down to look at what I'd done for the past few hours....I was impressed :) If hubby didn't take the camera with him on his trip i would have taken a pic!

It looks good ifidosaysomyself :)

tonight is my last night alone in my our bed :) That makes me one happy wife :) When I talked to hubby on the phone this morning he said "I'll see you tomorrow" those words sounded great!

He called me on my drive to work this morning...like he usually does when he's here...since we're both in the car....he's driving to school...and I'm driving to work...we chat until one of us reaches our destination......

I did a bit of tidying up tonight around the house so he comes home to a clean house......not that I let it go while he was gone...I just want him to come home to sparkles!

I did a little shopping this evening before I came home from work...this is what I got...it was all on sale....so I couldn't help myself.....

3 more days!

2005-05-11T08:24:00.000-07:00

only 3 more days until I get to SEE my hubby again :)

I've talked to him via AIM while he's been gone but not hearing his voice each day is the hard part!

He's told me that the 'team' are all going on a boat trip around New Haven today...sounds nice....he is excited about that...he plans on taking a lot of pictures. He says that New Haven really reminds him of home...he's sent me a couple pictures...and it 'does' remind me of here....it's a little odd how a place on the other side of the country can look so much like where I live :) I just mean the landscape looks like here.....

Last night my sister and her man friend along with my nephew all came over for dinner...it was a nice time....and it helped to get my mind off of being alone.
Though going to bed alone each night is never easy....but only 3 more nights of that :)

I FINALLY got to take the pooch on a walk yesterday afternoon....it's been rainy for about a week now...but it finally cleared up yesterday...to say he enjoyed being out in the sunshine again would be an understatement! He was romping all about like a little puppy :) I love my poochy woochie :) He's such a good boy....he keeps looking all over the house for his daddy though.....everytime he hears a noise he RUNS to the door to wait for his Master!!! It's funny.....and sad at the same time.....pretty soon his master will be home :)

My kitty cat got randomly violent the other day....my sister was just sitting down and all of a sudden the cat HISSED at her and clawed her and then BIT her HARD! I don't know what that was all about......she turned into evil kitty for a minute there!!! spaz.

okay...that's my update for today.....

3 days and counting!!!!

Alone

2005-05-09T12:30:00.000-07:00

My husband left for his first ever business trip today. It's actually training...he starts his new job at the end of this month. It's a great job....the only thing that hasn't been great so far...is that the training is done in freaking Connecticut....ALLLLLLL the way across the ENTIRE United States. I had a hard time letting him go in the early hours of this morning....3 am to be exact. I was in tears...I have a tendancy to 'think the worst' but 'hope for the best'
I watched him drive away...I cried....I crawled back into bed for my last prescious hours of sleep before having to get up for work....I just couldn't fall to sleep...I tried...i really did...but somehow tears just kept flowing. I feel so EMPTY with out my husband. It's like a piece of me is gone right now....it's a weird feeling.

I've been checking on his flight...he made it to Minnesota fine...4 minutes early even! He called me here at work...and I didn't answer...I didn't recognize the number and thought it was this annoying lady who calls me from a company we deal with...and I didn't want to talk to her! It didn't even dawn on me that he would call me from the airport! But he left me a voicemail :) So that was nice.

His connecting flight seems to have been delayed...it only took off 35 minutes ago....it was running 50 minutes behind schedule for non scheduled maintence....which then throws my mind into overdrive...I just worry.

This is hubbys first time ever on an airplane. I hope he enjoyed the flight.
I sure do miss him....and I'm counting down the days until he's home again with me.
I love him so much....

5 more days....and counting....

ouch

2005-04-05T11:50:00.000-07:00

I just banged my knee on my desk. It hurts...and I know there will be a nice big juicy bruise there now....yay.

anywhoozle...

I'm soooooo totally in 'I want a baby mode' itsnotevenfunny.
woe is me....

Why can't I snap my fingers and make it next year...next year...it's always 'next year' seems like hubby will be saying that forever....

wahhhh....

pretty soon it will be our second anniversary....seems longer than that to be honest...we've done a lot in the time we've been married...so I suppose that's why.

Hubby got offered a great job...and they're holding the spot open until he is finished with school next month. That's exciting.

the neighbors are putting down hard wood floors today I've noticed...they have a lot of people over there working...being quite loud...playing loud music mostly...so I've had to compete with equally loud music! Right Said Fred anyone???? I'm to sexy for this song....too sexy for your mom....(er..i just made that part up...it sounded good ya know) yeah....

I'm charging my Ipod at the moment...then I'm going to go downstairs and make the hubby some lunch for when he gets home from school...while rocking out and dancing about in the kitchen listening to my tunes...fun times. I'm making some spaghetti with meat sauce and corn probably some bread as well....typically i'd make that a dinner meal...but he requested a 'good lunch' today...so that is certainly not a pb&j...ya know....
He'll be home in a half an hour...so I suppose I should get the water on the stove for the noodles real soon like....

toodles.....

extreme close up...

2005-03-24T20:17:00.002-08:00

This is her EXTREME close up shot!

playing with tape...

2005-03-24T20:17:00.001-08:00

Baxter found a piece of tape from the top of a box and this is what she did.....

She found it...started playing...

And playing...

She was getting down and dirty with this thing!

Then she just walked away like nothing...silly kitty.

My gato!

2005-03-24T20:17:00.000-08:00

Here are some pictures of Baxter from when we gave her a bath the other week....I had only posted one a while back....here are the rest!

All clean!!!

Meet Max :)

2005-03-15T21:09:00.000-08:00

This is Max :) He's a Lab/Collie mix. Tonight was his first night home with us :)

And here he is sound asleep in his new beddy bye :)

and just for fun...here's the funniest picture of Baxter from the other day when we had to give her a bath because she is on antibiotics and she made THE BIGGEST drooling mess all OVER HERSELF!!!!

it's only been a hundred years since i've posted!

2005-03-09T19:06:00.000-08:00

Can I just say I'm so hating my job right now....

I've been there 5 years...and I've never ever thought bad things...as in LEAVING before...but today....
i felt like quitting.

too bad hubby doesn't have a job...and we can't afford for me to quit...while looking for a replacement...that blows anus hairs...

Hubby starts a job just as soon as school is over...in May....
it's a 40 minute commute though!

I'm just so tired of my job...woe is me.

on a pleasent note...we got a 'new' truck last weekend...a 99 f-150 super cab we LOVE it.....I can't stop looking at it.....I just love it.
We both do.

I'm really beat.....I went to BED FOR THE NIGHT last night at 8 friggen thirty last night....i was exhausted.......
so much stress at work...

my damn boss suddenly left on 'family leave' for twelve effen weeks...leaving ME to handle both her job AND my job....it's very stressful...VERY. I have had to work though lunches...stay late...and be a grumpy person as a result...i'm tired...stressed...and annoyed....

understandable given the situation...but I don't LIKE being like that....not one bit.......I really don't.
I started looking today 'to see what's out there' for me....i saw ONE job that i would be interested in....
I don't just want to go to 'any ol job' i want to find one that i'd want to stay at for a while....currently i work in accounting...do i love it....or even LIKE it....not really.....

there was a job at the animal shelter...it sounded great....and it paid more than my current job....but the ad had been posted already for over a week....and i saw it too late to call to see if it's still open today.....
I think I'll call tomorrow...that would be neat....and plus it's a 'no kill' shelter....that's good too :)

titleless title.

2005-02-18T12:35:00.000-08:00

I'm happy because this is a THREE day weekend....how great is that!
I just love three day weekends....a whole extra morning to sleep in...now that is heaven!

We are having my sister and nephew over tonight for pizza and a movie...we're not sure yet what movie we're going to watch...we're thinking we'll just pay per view something....that way we can also TIVO it....

speaking of which......we did that the other day with Napoleon Dynamite....now that was SO funny.....so *my* type of humor...I'm all about the 'it's so dumb it's funny' kind of movie.... :)

yeah...I highly reccomend it to anyone who loves DUMB/FUNNY movies.

Let's see....I've lost two pounds....that's exciting.
Here's my ticker..i started out with 59 to lose...down it's 57 to go!

all I can say is miss mary mack, mack, mack...

2005-02-14T14:47:00.000-08:00

You grew up in the 1980s or Early 1990s if............

1. You've ever ended a sentence with the work "PSYCHE"

2. You watched the Pound Puppies.

3. You can do the rap to "The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air" and can do the "Carlton"

4. Girls wore biker shorts under their skirts and felt stylishly sexy.

5. You yearned to be a member of the Baby-Sitters Club and tried to start a club of your own.

6. You owned those lil' Strawberry Shortcake scented dolls.

7. You know that "WOAH" comes from Joey on Blossom.

8. Two words: Hammer Pants

9. If you ever watched "Fraggle Rock"

10. If you ever had plastic streamers on your bikes handle bars and you had "spokey-dokes" or playing cards on your spokes for that incredible sound effect.

11. You can sing the entire theme song to "Duck Tales" (Woo-ooh!)

12. You remember when it was actually worth getting up early on Saturdays to watch cartoons.

13. You wore a ponytail on the side of your head.

14. You saw the orginal "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" on the big screen and you can still remember the turtles names.

15. You got super excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.

16. You made your Mom buy you one of those clips that would hold your shirt in a knot on the side.

17. You played "MASH" (Mansion, Apartment, Shelter, House)

18. You wore stonewashed Jordache jean jackets and were proud of it.

19. L.A. Gear...........need I say more?

20. You wanted to change your name to "JEM" in kindergarten (She is truly Outrageous).

21. You remember reading "Tales of the Fourth Grade Nothing" and all the Romona books.

22. You know the profound meaning of "WAX ON, WAX OFF"

23. You wanted to be a Goonie.....and you still do.

24. You ever wore fluorescent clothing (some of us...head-to-toe).

25. You remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off and his cheeks shifted.

26. You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.

27. You took lunch boxes to school and you traded Garbage Pail Kids in the school-yard.

28. You remember the CRAZE and the BANNING of slap bracelets.

29. You still get the urge to say "NOT" after every sentence.

30. You remember Hypercolor t-shirts.

31. Barbie and the Rockers was your favorite band.

32. You thought She-Ra (Princess of Power) and He-Man should hook up.

33. You thought your childhood friends would never leave because you exchanged handmade friendship bracelets.

34. You owned a pair of jelly shoes and probably 24 pairs at that.....even in neon colors.

35. After you saw Pee-Wee's Big Adventure you kept saying "I know you are but what am I?"

36. You remember "I've fallen and I can't get up."

37. You remember going to the skating rink before there was inline skates.

38. You ever got seriously injured on a slip and slide.

39. You have ever played Skip-It.

40. You had or attended a birthday party at McDonald's.

41. You have gone through this nodding your head in agreement.

42. You remember Popples.

43. "Don't worry, be happy."

44. You wore like, EIGHT pairs of socks over tights with high top Reeboks.

45. You wore socks scrunched down (sometimes you still do......getting yelled at the younger, hip memebers in your family).

46. "Miss Mary MACK MACK MACK, all dressed nin BLACK BLACK BLACK"

47. You remember boomboxes and walking around with one on your shoulder like you were all that.

48. You remember watching both "Gremlins" movies.

49. You know what it meant to say "Care-Bare Stare"!!!

50. You remember watching "Rainbow Bright" and "My Little Ponies"

51. You thought Doogie Howser/Samantha Micelli was hot.

52. You remember Alf, the lil furry alien from Melmac.

53. You remember New Kids On The Block when they were so cool.....and you don't even flinch when people refer to them as "NKOTB"

54. You knew all the characters names and their life stories on "Saved By The Bell" the original class.

55. You know all the words to "Shot Through The Heart" by BON JOVI

56. You just sang those words to yourself.

57. You remember watching MAGIC vs. BIRD.

58. homemade Levi shorts........the shorter the better.

59. You remember when mullets were cool!

60. You had a mullet!

61. You still sing "We Are The World"

62. You tight-rolled your jeans.

63. You owned a banana clip.

64. You remember "Where's the beef?"

65. You used to (and probably still do) say "What you talkin' bout Willis?"

66. You had big hair and you knew how to use it.

67. You're still singing Shot Through The Heart..........aren't you?

Fuck it all.

2005-02-10T18:19:00.000-08:00

My trip in photos :)

2005-02-06T13:58:00.000-08:00

Here are our pictures from this weekends trip to Reno :)
This first shot is just after we left the house for the four hour drive :)
My hubby was driving :)

Here is a picture I *made* him take of me at a stop light!
We're in the ugly Budget rental moving truck (we brought BIL his things from California to Nevada)

Here is the first sign of Snow in the mountains :)

Here is hubby and BIL's new apartment puting things together being all manly like...

Here is a shot of the hotel we stayed in 'the Atlantis'...it was nice :)

Larry showing off the 'facitlity'

There I am standing in front of the big ol' window...

me again...being silly.

the jaccuzzi in our room....it was heavenly.

my darling showing off his bod...

we self timered this shot from atop a lamp...just before we left...

saying goodbye to the Atlantis...

self explanitory..

This just cracked me up...

random self portrait (mostly of my double chin)we were on a tram :)

I chuckled when I saw this...I had to take a picture...

another completely random self portrait of my chins in all their glory.

Me.

And here's the joint my BIL works for...it's darn tasty :)

We had a fun trip :)

Lookey what I made :)

2005-02-01T18:07:00.000-08:00

I made a blanket for my good friend Danielle's baby to be.
It was fun to pick out all the fabric and sew it together and especially fun because I didn't tell her what it was...just that I made her baby 'something' and to look out for the package :)
Well it FINALLY arrived...better late than never....we thought it was lost in the mail....it took a lot longer to get there than we were told at the post office.....well here it is :)
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The back :)

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the front :)

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the detail of the front :)

That's all folks :)
Just wanted to share my first blanky.

things.

2005-02-01T13:29:00.000-08:00

I haven't updated in here in like a hundred and ten years!
Tomorrow is my B I R T H D A Y....I'm going to be 27.
For the first time ever it doesn't feel any different to be having a birthday.
I'm usually a fan of the ol' bday...but this year (so far) I feel no excitement...nothing.
We're going to Reno this weekend. I have never been there before. It should be fun.
So far I've gotten
A sewing machine,
sewing machine case
and some fabric...and all
the little things that go along with sewing...
scissors, thread,seem ripper and the like...
I got a crabtree and evelyn gift set from my biological mother.
A candle that smells HEAVENLY and a real big candle holder...
a lovely card from Danielle :)
Right now I'd say Danielle is probably the best friend I've ever had :)
we talk ALL THE TIME...we get along so well.
It's so nice.
I guess that's a good thing...
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since
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we are moving to Texas:)

The plan is to sell our place here in California once we get to the 100K equity mark. Now we've only been in the house (ok it's a town house)for 9 months and we're already at 65K in equity...so getting to 100K shouldn't take too long! We're shooting for a year. And also in that time hubby will be done with school and have his degree.

I'm scared and happy all at the same time.

oh and....
on another note...
My Grandma is getting BETTER! I'm so happy about that.
She is not doing great..but she could be there soon.
That news makes me so happy.